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Drunk Prisoner Pulls Pizza Prank on Arresting Cops

Drunk Prisoner Pulls Pizza Prank on Arresting Cops


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A drunk shoplifter managed to order pizzas to the jail

Wikimedia/Aero777

A prisoner in a holding cell in Kentucky ordered five pizzas delivered to the officer who had just arrested him for public intoxication.

The old “ordering pizza to someone else” prank is something of a classic, but it’s a pretty terrible idea for someone who is already in jail, as one man found out this week when he had five pizzas delivered to the policeman who had just arrested him.

According to The Daily Mail, Michael Harp had already been arrested for shoplifting and public intoxication when he got the bright idea to add impersonating an officer to his list of offenses. He was sitting in a holding cell in Corbin, Ky. on Tuesday when he allegedly realized the police had failed to take his cell phone when they locked him up, so he reportedly called a local Domino’s and ordered five pizzas under the name of Officer Wilson, the policeman who had just arrested him.

When the pizza delivery arrived, it did not take police long to figure out what had happened and confiscate the phone. In addition to seizing the cell phone, police added three new charges to Harp’s record: theft of identity, theft by deception, and impersonating a police officer.

Harp is reportedly maintaining his innocence, and insists that anybody in the holding cell could have been responsible for the pizza prank.

“'I'm wrongfully accused on this here," he said. “There was about 10 people who probably used the phone, so it's hard to say. Like I said, I never heard anyone say a word about Domino's pizzas. Any of it.”


SeasonEpisodesOriginally airedRankRatingViewers (millions)
First airedLast aired
124September 17, 1991 ( 1991-09-17 ) May 5, 1992 ( 1992-05-05 ) 4TBA28.9
225September 16, 1992 ( 1992-09-16 ) May 19, 1993 ( 1993-05-19 ) 3TBA31.5
325September 15, 1993 ( 1993-09-15 ) May 25, 1994 ( 1994-05-25 ) 2TBA35.2
426September 20, 1994 ( 1994-09-20 ) May 23, 1995 ( 1995-05-23 ) 3TBA32.9
526September 19, 1995 ( 1995-09-19 ) May 21, 1996 ( 1996-05-21 ) 7TBA25.9
625September 17, 1996 ( 1996-09-17 ) May 20, 1997 ( 1997-05-20 ) 9TBA23.1
725September 23, 1997 ( 1997-09-23 ) May 19, 1998 ( 1998-05-19 ) 10TBA19.5
828September 22, 1998 ( 1998-09-22 ) May 25, 1999 ( 1999-05-25 ) 10TBATBA

Season 1 (1991–92) Edit

After Mark breaks one of Tim's oldest tools, he fears the worst when Brad and Randy take control of his guilt and fabricate a story about the traded son "Peter," who was given away because he wrecked Tim's tools. Meanwhile, Tim modifies his riding lawnmower.

Tim tries to put up a satellite dish that has over 200 channels so he can watch sports games around the country, and is jealous when Jill's teacher (Sam McMurray) comes to the house and promptly starts making romantic advances on Jill.

Brad and Randy hear a rustling in the basement, and Tim dismisses it as a peaceful mouse, but the neighbor Wilson thinks it's a snake. This makes Tim's life a living hell, since he has a huge fear of snakes.

Workers from the K&B Construction Site come and show how to cook food using tools. Brad and Randy convince Mark that he's adopted, and then make up a story that everybody around him are aliens. To get back at the boys, Tim, Jill and Mark dress as aliens and scare them.

First appearances of: Dwayne, Pete and Rock, the "boys from K&B Construction"

Jill has to present a speech to the Library Association, and is beginning to have stage-fright. Tim and Mark dress up as women to help her practice while trying to clean the house.

Karen (Betsy Randle), Jill's friend, visits, and Tim has to tolerate and stand up to her constant comments about his masculinity and his own tool show. Because of this stress, Tim accidentally glues his forehead to a table. Meanwhile, Jill teaches Brad how to dance, because he will be attending Jennifer's parents' anniversary party.

Bob Vila is going to be a guest on Tool Time, and is going to participate in a game called "Stump the Toolman" with Tim. Randy gets in trouble for picking on a kid at school, and Jill forces him to invite the boy over, only to realize he is as annoying as Randy claims.

First appearances of: Bob Vila and John Binford (Noble Willingham)

When Jill tells Tim they're going to an opera fundraiser, he has no recollection of Jill mentioning it earlier. This prompts an all out argument between the two. All the while, Tim helps Mark build an elaborate bird house.

Tim's all-men-poker-night is ruined when Jill's sister Robin (Amy Ryan) and her husband Charlie (Tom Verica) come and have a big fight, thus causing disruptions in the game.

First appearance of: Jill's sister, Robin

Tim purchases a new stereo set, which causes many complications with the volume and Jill's paranoia for new gadgets since she suffers from technophobia and hates new things.

Season 2 (1992–93) Edit

Jill and Karen think that Tim will look at any woman in a restaurant, after they see him checking out a woman on Tool Time. Randy has trouble playing football. Tim's solution? Super glue.

Brad and Jennifer plan to dress like Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy on Halloween, but she shows up with Danny and is instead dressed like him. After Danny tries to ruin Tim's "Catacombs of Terror", Tim (Nanastein) scares him away with the help of Al and Wilson.

Note: This is the first Halloween episode.

Note: The episode title is a parody reference to the 1959 novel, The Haunting of Hill House.

When Mark contracts chicken pox, Jill forces Tim to move out for a few days, since he has never had it. Al then offers for Tim to stay with him, and although he doesn't want to, he decides against hurting Al's feelings, which he does anyway when he embarrasses Al severely on Tool Time in front of special guests Mario and Michael Andretti.

When John Binford marries a young, hot tool model, he assigns his daughter Maureen as the producer of Tool Time, who Al fully supports, but Tim is unhappy that she is taking over his show. Meanwhile, Tim is forced to take over the house when Jill unexpectedly gets a job as a researcher for a magazine, and Tim is weirdly left without advice when Wilson is more eager to take a herb bath than help Tim with his predicament.

Jill decides to finally complete their will, which Tim does not want to be part of because of his fear of mortality. Mark fears that his father is going to die. Meanwhile, Brad and Randy build a human catapult and need a victim for their experiment.

Brad and Randy start soliciting donations from the neighborhood for charity and are great successes however, when presented with the amount of money that they collect the boys can't help themselves and keep some of the money for themselves to buy comic books and Game Boy games.

Note: The episode title is a parody reference to the Christmas song, "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas".

Jennifer is going away on holiday, so she leaves her goldfish Howard in the care of Brad, who inadvertently kills the fish, and now he has to buy a new fish before Jennifer finds out. Tim and Jill get into a fight over who owns what when Jill opens a private checking account for herself.

Note: First episode not directed by John Pasquin and first joke of Al's mom.

It's the Taylors' anniversary. Tim bribes Mark to tell him where the present Jill has bought for him is, and after discovering that it's the steering wheel from Mario Andretti's racecar, he decides to get her ballroom dancing lessons however, in true Tim Taylor fashion, he makes a mess of it by making fun of the dance, making smart comments and spinning the teacher right into the piano, sending her to the hospital. Guest star: Ann Miller

A woodpecker arrives at the Taylor household, and Tim goes crazy trying to get rid of it. Brad and Jennifer break up, and after he flunks a math test, he blames it on his being lovesick. However, when Jennifer drops by and gives Brad his workbook, revealing that she had been doing his homework and thus explaining why Brad failed the test (Brad gets grounded as a result), Tim and Jill are forced to tutor Brad to get his grades up again. Final appearance of: Jennifer Sudarsky

Jill's mother, Lillian (Polly Holliday), comes to visit for Mark's birthday. She comes bearing gifts: a drum set for Mark, and a family heirloom for Jill. But instead of the antique clock that she loves and really wanted, Lillian gives her a tea set, which Jill does not know why she received it.

Bob Vila re-appears on Tool Time and challenges Tim to a lawnmower race for charity. Determined to beat Vila once and for all, Tim inserts a jet engine from a helicopter into the lawnmower. Meanwhile, Brad and Randy create "The Tadpole Secrecy Test" for Mark, who wants them to play with him. The test involves Mark holding a live tadpole in his mouth for three seconds, but he accidentally swallows it.

Final appearance of: Betsy Randle as Karen, who was cast in the fellow ABC sitcom Boy Meets World. This is also Lisa's (Pamela Anderson) final recurring appearance, although she returns for a guest appearance in the sixth season.

Season 3 (1993–94) Edit

Jill learns her sister Carol is having a baby girl. When they talk about the baby's name and Jill is going through the boys' baby toys, she wishes she could have a baby girl. Tim tells Randy and Brad that Jill always wanted a girl so they tell Mark that Jill wished he had been a girl. This upsets Mark and when Jill wants to bake a cake with him, he doesn't want to. When she finds out the truth, she tells Mark that what Randy and Brad told him isn't true. Tim is also upset because he doesn't want another child. But he feels alright again when Jill tells him that they don't have the time for another child. On Tool Time, Tim and Al welcome Heidi, who becomes the new Binford Tool Girl, after Lisa goes off to college.

At Al's 35th birthday, he wants a wife and kids, so Jill fixes him up with Ilene Markham. Al finds out that Ilene wants kids too, so he proposes to her on Tool Time, later edited to become a Godzilla warning. Randy and Brad write a letter to Mark pretending to be Isiah Thomas, so Tim and Jill tell Mark to get revenge.

First appearance of: Ilene Markham (Sherry Hursey)

Tim has trouble with Joe Morton (Robert Picardo), his new neighbor, after Joe dents part of his hot rod for scrap. Jill becomes good friends with Marie Morton, Joe's wife. Brad signs up for home economics as his elective to meet girls, but his plan goes awry when every other boy in school does the same thing as Brad, filling the class with boys instead of girls.

First appearance of: Marie Morton (Mariangela Pino)

On Thanksgiving, for a perfect Christmas card, Tim builds a Christmas Village and has the family wear costumes, yet the snow machine causes problems and malfunctions, and Tim has to fix it.

Jill feels bad when her father, the army colonel, asks her opinion on his boring book. Meanwhile, Tim builds a hockey puck shooter when Randy becomes a goalie.

Jill joins Al's team for Habitat for Humanity because Tim thinks married couples shouldn't work together. Tim tries to beat Jill's team with an all star athlete construction team directed by himself. Meanwhile, Brad finds a locket and gives it to Ashley, but finds out it was Marie's.

After destroying his budget for 6 months on the Man's Kitchen, Tim struggles to find a good idea for his anniversary show. Jill tries to get guests for a no dinner dinner fundraiser, but finds it particularly difficult.

Tim and the boys plan on getting Jill a hot tub for Mother's Day and getting rid of the swing set so they can install the hot tub in their yard. But they find the swing set meant more to Jill than they thought and she wants a herb garden instead of a hot tub. Tim faces off with the new head of K&B Construction, a female named Les (Victoria Principal).

After researching cosmetic surgery on the computer, Jill finds that Tim wants her to have cosmetic surgery. Meanwhile, Mark beats Brad and Randy in a video game and chess.

Season 4 (1994–95) Edit

Tim finds a scratch on Jill's vintage Chevrolet Nomad, which he gave as a present to Jill, and insists that he take it to Eddie's body shop to be fixed, but first he drives it to work on a special Tool Time episode in a construction yard where he drops a three-ton steel beam on the car. He doesn't tell Jill the truth but she sees the car in the body shop when she goes to retrieve a book from it and also finds out that Tim had told Eddie that Jill had caused the damage. Brad and Randy prepare to stop the bus bully, but get kicked off the bus as a side effect.

Ratings 35 million viewers 21.6 rating. [ citation needed ]

Tim begins to become concerned about his health when his 40th birthday nears, and Harry, the owner of Harry's Hardware, has a heart attack. Tim cancels his birthday plans, but after receiving advice from a heart-attack survivor and a medical report, he moves on. Tim and Al shrink down to view a car engine.

Tim installs a central vacuum system Tim's brother Marty comes over to tell Tim that he's leaving his wife Nancy and kids, but Tim's advice turns Marty against him. Meanwhile, Tim creates a hole in the floor installing the vacuum system, and Jill has trouble working on her psychology report.

First appearance of: Marty Taylor (William O'Leary)

At Thanksgiving dinner with the Taylors, Wilson announces he is moving to Ecuador, but Tim gives him advice in the hopes Wilson will decide to stay. It turns out this is a crisis Wilson is dealing with after his wife died 15 years ago. Tim is able to help Wilson using words from Mario Andretti. Meanwhile, there is a dead rat in the Taylors' wall.

Note: This is the first time viewers see inside Wilson's house. Note also that Wilson's entire face is briefly seen when he tells Tim about the Indian corn.

Mr. Leonard, Tim's high school shop teacher, comes to visit, but gets angry and leaves after Tim telling Mr. Leonard what he can and can't do on an episode of Tool Time.

Marty and his wife and kids, and Jill's parents come to visit. Jill learns her parents are having marital problems and tries to patch things up, only making them worse. Wilson suggests that Tim talks with Jill's father as a third party, to patch things up.

Final appearance of: Col. Fred Patterson (M. Emmet Walsh)

First appearances of: Nancy, Claire and Gracie Taylor

Note: This is the only episode that both of Jill's parents appeared together.

Tim decides to sell his hot rod to Doug O'Brien (Bruce McGill), a pizza entrepreneur, which upsets Brad because of how much time he and Tim had worked on it. Meanwhile, Jill takes Randy shopping for clothes and he is afraid that Jill will embarrass him in front of Beth

When Al is published as one of Detroit's "Most Eligible Bachelors" in a magazine, women begin flocking all over him and he starts to ignore Ilene. Mark has to write a report on the most interesting person he knows, and he writes it on Wilson instead of Tim.

Tim insults Jill on Tool Time, ruins dinner, and drops her ring down the furnace.

Tim and Al scalp tickets to a Red Wings game before heading to the theater with Jill and Ilene, but they get arrested, and Jill and Ilene come to bail them out. Meanwhile, Mark papier-mâché's Wilson's face for a school project when Wilson watches the kids while Tim and Jill are gone, and Brad and Randy try to sneak out for a party.

Despite Jill's advice, Tim stays up all night watching Tool Time tapes because of his upset stomach from eating too much Polish food.

Tim continues to watch Tool Time tapes to ease his stomach.

Jill's sister, Carrie (Tudi Roche), observes the family while on break. Tim's brother Marty's moving plans are halted by a slippery floor. Cal, Al's brother, reveals a childhood secret.

Jill hooks Wilson up for his first date (with her psychology professor) in twenty years and Tim gives him advice. Brad gets a horrendous pimple, which he uses make-up to cover.

Season 5 (1995–96) Edit

After Bud Harper, the new owner of Binford, fires Wes, Tim fears Tool Time is in jeopardy, and Bud wants to only fire Al to improve the show's ratings. Brad keeps getting detention.

While Tim has everyone at the house for Jill's surprise party 40th birthday (in which it is her 39th), she is off looking for her childhood piano which her cousin has. Bud makes Al try a makeover, which causes him to experience "flannel withdrawal." It turns out Jill plays piano really bad.

Jill, Wilson, and Al are jealous when Tim gets an honorary Ph.D., but Tim later finds out that he got the Ph.D. because the college was going to use him, since he had a TV show, to receive additional funding.

When Tim's mother returns, she begins dating Mr. Leonard, Tim's old shop teacher, and doesn't want to spend time with Tim.

On a visit to a military base, Tim and Jill compete against each other driving tanks, and Jill wins however, Tim doesn't congratulate her because he thinks she humiliated him. The boys suffer at Al's for a weekend, until they see the Tool Time game he invented.

Mark wants to take flying lessons, but Jill does not let him. Jill takes piano lessons, but is not making progress at all. Meanwhile, Tim and Al ruin Bud's car.

On Tool Time, Tim and Al introduce country music singer Alan Jackson. Meanwhile, Delores, Harry's wife, comes to Harry's Hardware and Tim's marital advice causes them to split up, and he must bring them back together, at a temporary cost of his personality.

Tim and Brad get into a fight over Brad's new haircut and the hot rod engine. Meanwhile, Randy doesn't want Jill to help him rehearse for an audition to play Romeo in a school play of Romeo & Juliet.

When Wilson is burglarized and gets some obscure artifacts stolen, Tim surprisingly gets a simple security system. However, Jill, paranoid over what happened to Wilson, begs Tim to get the biggest security system he can find, but the overcomplicated system causes chaos in the house and in the neighborhood. Brad gets the opportunity to cheat on an important exam, but trips the alarm sneaking downstairs.

While Tool Time is on vacation, Al plans to market his Tool Time board game, puts his life savings on the line, and plans to propose to Ilene on the upcoming Saturday. But, Tim, Jill, and Mark discover a malfunction that causes a fire due to a wiring defect, which Al didn't know about. When it turns out the person that built the games is in jail, Tim, Jill, Cal, Wilson, Heidi, and Ilene repair all the games and Al proposes to Ilene.

Absent: Jonathan Taylor Thomas as Randy Taylor

Season 6 (1996–97) Edit

Jill buys a foreign sports car Austin-Healey with money from an inheritance and forbids Tim to drive it, but when, of course, does Tim listen to Jill?

Benny isn't allowed on the guest list for the Thanksgiving dinner party at the Taylor house, but Tim and Randy spot him at a food shelter, thinking he is having money problems, and invite him as a guest of honor. As it turns out, Benny only eats there because of the free meals.

Notes: Stop-motion segments in this episode.

Tim's brothers help move their mother out of the family home, but Tim takes an immediate dislike to the new owners' plans for the place. But Tim's mother tells them to take whatever's important to Tim and his brothers.

A tense Tim troubles the Tool Time team when the audience includes two Swedish buyers who are considering the show for the European market. Will Tool Time's "Salute to Men" have the desired result? Tim also builds the Man's Gym.

A singer hints that her relationship with Tim's father was more than casual. Tim forgets where he hid Jill's Valentine's Day gift. Brad and Randy struggle to find gifts for their girlfriends.

After a critic declares performance artist Wilson is out of touch with reality, the Taylors' neighbor decides to be more like Tim. Tim and Al compete in a cooking contest.

Al reveals a secret to Tim and the guys before his wedding to Ilene, that he is not sure if marrying her is right. Jill tries to reassure him by talking about how she had to be dragged to her wedding, which offends Tim. Ilene soon reveals she has the same feelings as Al, putting the wedding in jeopardy.

The kids are using the phone way too much so Tim convinces Jill to let Harry's son Dennis (David DeLuise) install a second line. Unfortunately when Dennis takes a break, Tim takes over with the help of Brad and Randy, damaging not only the house, but also Dennis and Harry's relationship.

The Taylors go to a hardware show in Cleveland, and Jill looks forward to spending quality time exploring the city with the boys. But they don't seem to be interested in spending time with her, and she realizes how fast they're growing up. Meanwhile, Tim causes several accidents at the hardware show during Tool Time remotes.

Lisa (Pamela Anderson Lee), the original Tool Time girl who left the show to become a paramedic, returns. Tim, who is as excited as everyone else to see her again, invites Lisa to temporarily resume her part on the show without consulting the current Tool Time girl, Heidi. As a result, Heidi quits until Tim explains what happened. Randy finally gets up the nerve to ask Lauren out on their first official date, and the date fails until Wilson's advice turns it around for the better.

Season 7 (1997–98) Edit

While Tim tries to give "more power!" to the BBQ concept, Randy meets with Lauren and Brad breaks up with Angela. Mark's changing, but is it for the better? The Taylor's vacation at a Lake Michigan resort and Tim is seriously considering quitting Tool Time and moving permanently to this resort, but Jill thinks he's having a mid-life crisis.

First appearance of: The 1997 Wind Dancer Production Group Logo.

Randy and Tim face off over Binford's environmental policies when Randy writes an article for his school newspaper, and his interview with Bud leads Randy to cause a Tool Time argument. Jill gets an internship counseling families.

After Brad gets a soccer scholarship, Tim begins to push him too hard, and the coach kicks Brad off the team. Randy and Lauren want to go out on another date, but they don't particularly want to double date with a couple of friends Jill saves the day by "offering" to come along on the date. The K&B Construction guys make an appearance on the show, and Mark furthers his rebellion by wearing dark clothes and painting his nails black.

It's Halloween at the Taylor house. Worried that Mark will spend the night alone with Ronnie, Jill asks Brad and Randy to take them to a party they're going to, but they refuse. Mark tells his parents that he and Ronnie are in a film class, and that they're going to be making a horror film - he then asks the family to be in it, and they accept. When they start filming, Jill and Tim worry that it won't be good because it isn't scary yet. When they find his video, they decide to watch it to see how it's going. They find out that it's about a boy, Clark, who has been ignored by his family, Jim, Lil, Chad and Andy. He sees a mad scientist, Dr. Wilsonstein, to get a potion that will turn them into freaks. He then decides to kill them. This makes Jill worry because she thinks Mark really does feel ignored, and wants to kill them. When they start the next scene, he is about to chop his father's head off, and Mark holds up a real knife. Jill has had enough, and decides that they need to talk.

Note: Al's name in Mark's movie (Algore) is a reference to the character Igor, and Al Gore, the Vice President of the United States at the time.

Tim manages to break a valuable piece of church equipment during Custom Cabinet week on Tool Time. After volunteering at a hospice, Randy begins to question his religion and is shocked when his patient takes a turn for the worse. Dan Aykroyd makes a guest appearance as Father Mike Weber, Aykroyd's character from the fellow ABC sitcom Soul Man.

On Tool Time, Tim and Al show viewers how to prepare for a severe winter storm. When Tim falls through the gazebo he discovers a small bag of marijuana taped to the underside of the swing. Jill and Tim stake out their backyard from Wilson's to catch the culprit. to everyone's surprise, Brad is caught red-handed with the goods. After finding out Brad is using weed, Jill admits she was a pot head after getting drunk at a Led Zeppelin concert and talked to Randy and Mark about Brad's actions and punishment much to Mark's irritation.

Tim becomes suspicious that Heidi and Al are having a hot affair when he finds out she has separated from her husband he sets out to find out exactly how much of an affair they are having. On Tool Time, Tim adds a little "more power!" to his golf swing when golf-pro Payne Stewart stops by. Jill catches a cold.

On Tool Time, Tim manages to throw himself out a window while doing renovation work. Jill tries to get Tim to help prepare for a tax audit. Brad and Randy become rivals when Brad's tabloid article "Hey Yo!" takes the spotlight away from Randy's "Genetic Mutations in the Second Half of the 20th Century".

Randy feels slighted when his driving privileges differ from those Brad had when he first got his license. On Tool Time, "Judy's Rat" pulls cable through hard to reach spaces, and bites Tim's nose. Afterward "Judy" confesses that she's the real Judy's sister Trudy, and is impersonating her sister in order to meet Al.

Tool Time is revisited by Astronauts Ken Bowersox and Steve Hawley, who announce that a Binford tool will be used on their next shuttle mission. Tim and Al go to Houston to try and win the competition to be the one to use the tool in space. Mark tries to impress a girl by making a dramatic change to his appearance.

Season 8 (1998–99) Edit

The Taylor family has to say some tough goodbyes to Randy after he is unexpectedly accepted into a yearlong environmental-study program in Costa Rica. Meanwhile, Tool Time holds auditions for a group to write lyrics to the Tool Time theme music.

Jill's sister and Tim's brother get a little too friendly, which interrupts Tim and Jill's plans to spend some intimate time together.

While Brad has worries about his SATs, Wilson's visiting friend, an English soccer-team owner, tells Tim that Brad is good enough to play professionally Brad seriously considers it.

The Tool Time gang take their show on the road in Tim's new community fix-up van. Tim and Jill are introduced to Al's new, very rich girlfriend, and Tim doesn't understand what is so wrong with Al accepting very extravagant gifts from her, such as a car.

Tim invites his brother Marty and his 6-year-old twin daughters to stay at the Taylors' when he discovers that Marty is staying at the hardware store after separating from his wife.

When Randy returns home unexpectedly for Christmas and discovers all the changes that have happened in his absence, he feels unwelcome. Tim discovers that his biggest rival in the annual neighborhood-lighting contest is Al--who gets stuck on the roof with Trudy after winning.

Tim and Jill offer Marty parenting tips when Claire, one of the twins, keeps throwing tantrums to get her own way.

Spending a weekend alone to write a book for Binford, Tim is distracted by dreams of fame and fortune.

Tim commissions Mark to film a video to celebrate the hot rod's completion. But when Tim is dissatisfied with the results, Mark directs a dance number starring Tim, Jill, Al, Heidi, Wilson, Sparky, and Eddie the body shop guy, set to "Greased Lightning", a musical number from Grease.

Ski-trip plans are put on hold when Jill needs an emergency hysterectomy, as for several years she had not managed to fit checkups into her busy schedule. Tim helps her face the situation, but becomes frightened when complications arise during surgery.

Tim waits for news on Jill's surgery. Jill will be fine, although she had to have her ovaries completely removed, not partially as was first thought. Jill's mother visits to help look after and nurture her, but she starts to blame Tim for everything because of her mood swings.

Final appearance of: Lillian Patterson.

Tim and Wilson's friendship is tested when Wilson wins $10,000 at a Red Wings game that Tim buys Wilson for his birthday and decides to build an elaborate Victorian greenhouse in his backyard--which blocks the Taylors' view. Mark tries to woo a girl.

Jill's thesis is before the committee. During Mark's student-film viewing, Jill's psychology professor sees her criticize him and she is worried that this will affect the thesis committee's decision.

Tool Time continues to be a "jewel" despite the continued excess presence of the Binford name, and new producer Morgan Wandell tries to give Tim a hard time. Things rapidly turn sad when Al decides to take his mother Alma out to dinner to tell her he's marrying Trudy--and upon hearing the news, Alma has a heart attack and dies.

During the ride to school, Tim and the boys reminisce about some of the good times they've had, with clips from previous shows.

Note: Kenny Rogers recorded the song "We've Got It All", which was made exclusively for this episode.

A look back at the past 8 years of Home Improvement, with cast interviews, outtakes, scenes for the final taping—and Earl Hindman's entire face.


Drunk Prisoner Pulls Pizza Prank on Arresting Cops - Recipes

Port Manteaux churns out silly new words when you feed it an idea or two. Enter a word (or two) above and you'll get back a bunch of portmanteaux created by jamming together words that are conceptually related to your inputs.

For example, enter "giraffe" and you'll get back words like "gazellephant" and "gorilldebeest". Enter "south america" and "chess" and you'll get back words like "checkuador".

Port Manteaux was created by Doug Beeferman and Sean Gerrish . It uses the Datamuse API to find related words, and then finds combinations of these words that pair well together phonetically.

Note: The algorithm tries reconstruct a spelling for the new word after generating its pronunciation, and sometimes this spelling isn't quite right. If you're able to read IPA you'll find a more accurate pronunciation in the "Pronunciation" column on the right.


Graphic Novel

Jesse the Psycho Kid in the graphic novel version of his character

As of December, 2017. The Psycho Series is getting remade with copies of comic books which are called Psycho Series (Graphic Novel) and continues the storyline where the Psycho Kid VS. Psycho Dad story left off and won't be made until it reaches a pledge goal and will fully be released in December 14th 2018. This was also in development during the beginning of 2017. Jesse has kept it a secret for a while since The Devil killed off Psycho Kid into a piece of paper and Psycho Dad has been resurrected and is gonna take back his death on his son. Not only will this comic remaster of The Psycho Series include the aftermath of Psycho Kid Flees Country, but will include the previous seasons/arcs even the Divorcement arc and including the Moveout arc and Job Hunting arc, ALL redesigned in colors and pictures from Jesse's fan developing team. The graphic novel will release worldwide digitally and in-stores possibly, also on comic sites.

You can buy them right-now at Kick Starter.com the highest version you can buy is for 1,000$ and the lowest is 5$. But it's preciously quicker to get it by buying the digital version for 15$.

The cast of the Ridgway family in real life. From left to right: Jesse Ridgway, Jeffrey Ridgway Jr., Jeffrey Ridgway Sr. and Theresa Ridgway

    as Jesse Ridgway (known as Psycho Kid in episode titles), a young adult who works as a YouTuber and yeans to move out of his dysfunctional family's home. as Jeffrey Ridgway Jr. (often referred to as J.T. througout the series and Psycho Brother in episode titles), Jesse's rival brother who often sets him up and is favorised by their father. as Larry Abraham (referred to as Uncle Larry throughout the series and Psycho Uncle in some episode titles), Jesse's uncle who supports him but tries to stay out of the family drama. as Theresa "Terry" Ridgway (last name Abraham in the second half of the series, referred to as Psycho Mom in Psycho Mom Divorces Husband) as Zachary "Corn" Cornatzer, Jesse's friend and cameraman who films the events of the series for Jesse. as Jeffrey Ridgway Sr. (referred to as Psycho Dad in episode titles), Jesse's father with anger issues who doesn't believe that Jesse has a real job.

Recurring

    (Secondary Antagonist)  (Supporting protagonist)
  • Jesse's girlfriend (Supporting character)  (Minor character/Minor antagonist)  (Supporting protagonist)  (Supporting protagonist) (Supporting protagonist/Former antagonist) (Supporting protagonist/Former antagonist) (Supporting character) (Supporting character)

Minor

    (Antagonist) (Unseen Overarching Antagonist) (Supporting protagonist)  (Anti-heroine/Minor antagonist)  (Minor character/Supporting protagonist)  (Minor character/Supporting protagonist) (Minor character/Supporting Protagonist) (Minor character/Supporting protagonst)

Animals


60 Police Jokes And Puns So Funny They’re Practically Illegal

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Are you a police officer? Are you married to a police officer? Does your kid want to be a “policewoman” when she grows up? Have you ever been pulled over for a speeding ticket that you didn’t think you deserved? No matter your connection to or feelings for cops, police jokes will have the whole family laughing.

Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate a good joke. And who knows? The right one may even get you out of a speeding ticket. So if you’re looking for inspiration, you’ve hit the mother lode. Take caution, though, these babies are bad to the bone.

1. The perfect crime was committed last night.
Someone broke into the police station and stole all the toilets. Police say they have nothing to go on.

2. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar?
She-riff.

3. Why did the police officer smell so bad?
He was on duty.

4. Officer: “I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
Driver: “I noticed your eyes are glazed over. Have you been eating donuts?”

5. Did you hear the celery got arrested?
They charged him with stalking.

6. Cop: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
Driver: “Isn’t it your job to tell me?”

7. An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence.
He says to the man, “We’re going to have to give you a drug test.”
Without hesitation, the man replies, “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”

8. Cop: “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
Driver: “You’re wrong, officer. It’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”

9. Officer: “Why did you park here?”
Me: “The sign says, ‘Fine for parking.'”

10. What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?
A cellfie.

11. Why did they arrest the cap?
It was covering for the marker.

12. Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Me: “You were bored and wanted some company?”

13. What does a frog use to keep away burglars?
A lily padlock.

14. Judge: “I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again.”
Criminal: “That’s what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldn’t listen.”

15. I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother.
He said, “I’d call for backup!”

16. Why did the thief wear blue gloves?
He didn’t want to be caught red-handed.

17. Man: “Can I park here?”
Cop: “No.”
Man: “What about all these other cars?”
Cop: “They didn’t ask!”

18. An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street.
He approaches her and asks, “Are you OK?”
The woman replies, “Yes, but how do I get to the hospital?”
The officer says, “Just keep standing there.”

19. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp?
He got a very light sentence.

20. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket.
He asked, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?”
The police officer replied, “Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.”

21. Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket?
It didn’t have a haunting license.

22. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes the police. Open up!

23. Why are policemen such great volleyball players?
They know how to serve and protect.

24. On what show do police officers solve crimes committed by garden gnomes?
Lawn & Order.

25. Why did the NYPD show up at the Mets game?
They heard someone was stealing bases.

26. Cop: “Where do you think you’re going?”
Driver: “Donut shop, officer.”
Cop: “At 80 miles per hour?”
Driver: “I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy.”

27. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. What happened?
Dunkin Donuts burnt down.

28. Why did the cat get a ticket?
It littered.

29. What are the four food groups for cops?
Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.

30. An officer stops a man for speeding and notices he’s not wearing his required prescription glasses.
Officer: “I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses.”
Driver: “Officer, I have contacts.”
Officer: “I don’t care who you know, you’re still getting a ticket.”

31. Why did the coffee call 911?
It was mugged.

32. Why couldn’t police notify the family of the murdered baker?
He was a John Dough.

33. A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers.”
I said, “Scissors. I win!” and drove off.
I guess he wants a rematch because he’s been following me for about 45 minutes.

34. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny?
He was charged with battery.

35. An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and get into his car. After observing some erratic driving, he pulls the man over.
The officer asks the driver, “Where are you going at this time of night?”
The man replies, “I’m on my way to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer asks, “Who would give that kind of lecture at this time of night?”
The man says, “My wife.”

36. A cop gives a woman a speeding ticket, and she wants to know why he didn’t give her a warning first.
The officer says, “Ma’am, there are warnings posted up and down this highway. They say, ‘Speed Limit 65.'”

37. What happens when a police officer goes to bed?
He becomes an undercover cop.

38. Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Driver: “Sorry, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.”
Officer: “There is no traffic. This highway is completely empty.”
Driver: “That’s what I’m telling you — I’m really far behind.”

39. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
Because he can stop a 10-ton truck by holding up his hand!

40. Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked through a bad neighborhood?
One was assaulted.

41. What do you call a clairvoyant who escaped from prison?
A medium at large.

42. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?
He stole her heart.

43. I got stopped last night by a police officer.
Cop: “I’m going to follow you to the nearest police station.”
Me: “What for?”
Cop: “I’ve forgotten the way.” — Tommy Cooper

44. Officer: “How high are you?”
Driver: “No, officer, it’s ‘Hi, how are you?'”

45. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected fowl play.

46. Tourist: “Are you a policeman?”
Officer: “No, I am an undercover detective.”
Tourist: “So, why are you in uniform?”
Officer: “Today is my day off.”

47. Police are usually shocked that I have a record.
But I love their greatest hits!

48. A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states.
Solid, liquid, and gas.

49. There’s a man in the town who’s stealing the wheels of police cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

50. What are riot police in Germany called?
Sour kraut control.

51. A woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer.
The cop asked to see her driver’s license. As she dug through her purse, she became more and more agitated.
“What does it look like?” the woman asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square, and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman.
“Here it is,” she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, handed it back and said, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

52. A cop caught a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.
Before cuffing the artist, he looked at the mural and said, “Now that is bold.”

53. The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper.
All I did was rough him up a bit.

54. A week after my wife went missing, the police told me I should expect the worst-case scenario.
So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes.

55. The police caught a person erasing people’s criminal records.
They said he was a real pro for a first offender.

56. Who’s the most famous lawn detective?
Sherlock Gnomes.

57. Cop to perp: “Did you kill this man?”
Perp: “No, he died of natural causes.”
Cop: “He was shot!”
Perp: “Right — a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. So, he died of natural causes. Sheesh, I thought you were the cop here.”

58. Cop to perp: “Where do you live?”
Perp: “With my parents.”
Cop: “Where do your parents live?”
Perp: “With me.”
Cop: “Where do you all live?”
Perp: “Together.”
Cop: “Where is your house?”
Perp: “Next to my neighbor’s house.”
Cop: “Where is your neighbor’s house.”
Perp: “If I tell you, would you believe me?”
Cop: “Tell me.”
Perp: “Next to my house.”

59. I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me.
Funny… I don’t remember applying for a job there.

60. Who works in tandem with the grammar police?
Corrections officers.


Crowdsourcing

What’s the Name of That Book?
A Goodreads group with searchable discussion posts and thousands of questions and answers.

3K members — many of whom are librarians or library-adjacent — who help solve book mysteries via threaded discussions.

The Fiction_L listserv
Stumpers! Search archives of past questions, answered by an intense book-ish community, or subscribe and post a new one.

Reddit’s whatsthatbook thread
A nearly endless thread of users trying to help other users remember book titles, including several frequently requested books. Especially good for science fiction and fantasy.

"Stump the Bookseller" blog
A cool indie bookstore in Ohio that maintains extensive, searchable archives — and offers a $4 service for personalized help. Lots of children’s books here.

Big Book Search
If you can only remember what the cover looks like, try this cover-search tool.


Contents

Early life

Lynette Lindquist born to Stella and mr Lindquist  the eldest of three daughters, her sisters are Lydia Lindquist and Lucy Lindquist. After the death of their father, their mother Stella married Glen Wingfield. After a short time, Glen left this family. Lynette blamed her mother for driving him away for a long time. This troubled childhood left Lynette with a constant fear that everything in her life could fall apart suddenly, so she needs to control everything in order to feel safe and secure.

Lynette graduated from Northwestern University. During college, Lynette was friends with Renee Perry. She admits to being a total whore in college, and she even had a threesome with two of the men from the rugby team. ("Remember Paul?") She met Tom when they worked together in the Advertising industry. They go out for a date and Lynette insists she pay for the meal, however, Tom refuses this offer, but says she can pay for the next dinner. She tells him she's not looking to get married or have children, but she does like a white picket fence. After a while of being together and becoming pregnant with their first children, Preston and Porter, Tom buys Lynette her dream house on Wisteria Lane . She was touched when she realizes that he remembered her stating she liked white picket fences on their first date. ("Women and Death")


Tom and Lynette meet their neighbors. ("Remember, Part 1")

On moving in day, Tom and Lynette were having an argument when neighbors Mary Alice Young, Bree Van de Kamp and Susan Mayer come to welcome them. It is revealed that they are arguing about Tom getting her pregnant with twins and that he refused to tell her that twins run in his family. Tom tries to calm down Lynette so she doesn't give their new neighbors the wrong impression. She apologizes for acting like a crazy bitch and promises to control her anger in the future. ("Remember, Part 1")

Soon after moving to the lane, Tom and Lynette had a third child, Parker and then a forth, Penny. When Penny was born, Lynette was too concerned about getting a new job that she left Penny in the car outside. Handyman Eli Scruggs gives Penny to Lynette, and she's horrified that she forgot about her daughter. Lynette then realizes that she doesn't want a job, but she wants to stay home and look after her daughter. ("The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened")

Season 1

Lynette struggles to take care of her four demanding children, Porter, Preston, Parker and Penny on her own while her husband, Tom, is away for business. While walking to the wake of her friend, Mary Alice Young, Lynette threatens to call Santa if the children do not start behaving. At the wake, her three sons decide to go swimming in the pool. After being warned by Martha Huber, Lynette climbs into the pool in her dress and collects her children. Whilst at the supermarket with her children, she runs into an old colleague. When she's asked about how being a mother is, Lynette lies and says it's the best job she has ever had. When Tom returns from work, Lynette is relieved as her children are driving her crazy. After getting rid of the children, Tom and Lynette go upstairs to have sex, and when Lynette asks him to put a condom on, he suggests "risking it". Angry, Lynette punches him. The next day, while packing up Mary Alice's belongings, Lynette and her friends find a mysterious blackmail note. ("Pilot")


Lynette struggles to get her boys to behave during a car journey. ("Ah, But Underneath")

When Lynette takes her children with her for a car journey, her three sons misbehave continuously, even when their mother asks them to stop. She is eventually pulled over by a police officer. When he comments on her parenting skills, Lynette yells at him and tells him how hard it is to have four children. After seeing how stressed Lynette is and how unruly her children are, he decides to let her off without a ticket. Later on, when the boys continue to misbehave, Lynette leaves them on a random street and drives away. She immediately comes back and is horrified to find they're missing. A woman says she took them into her home. When the woman threatens to call social services, Lynette and the boys escape by attacking her. When they rush back into the car, Lynette is pleased to see the boys learned their lesson and put on their seat belts. ("Ah, But Underneath")


Tom understands what Lynette has to put up with being a lone parent. ("Pretty Little Picture")

Lynette is happy that Tom has finally returned home from work, but becomes angered over a photo taken a few months prior. When she asks him if he would come to a dinner party with her, he tells her that he is tired and would rather skip it. Lynette is obviously upset since this party is probably the only social dinner for a while as most of her time is spent with her children. She decides to go to the party without Tom, and he volunteers to stay home with the kids. To give Tom the experience of what it is like to be her, Lynette gives the kids sugar and snacks beforehand which gives Tom quite a night. When Lynette arrives home, he thanks her for giving them sugar as part of her revenge and admits that they are raising "little terrorists". The following day, Tom makes it up to Lynette by wearing a sombrero and makes mimosa which leads the two to dance. ("Pretty Little Picture")


Lynette learns to cope with stress another way.
("Who's That Woman?")

As Lynette cleans up her house one afternoon, she receives a phone call from the twins' school asking her to come in and talk to the teacher. When Lynette arrives at the school, she is told by their teacher that both Porter and Preston painted a little girl blue during art class. Mrs. Butters tells Lynette that this isn't the first time that the twins have misbehaved and that the school may no longer be able to accommodate the twins if they continue to act as they are. Mrs. Butters recommends that the twins go on ritalin since they show signs of ADD. Lynette objects to this and ask that the twins be separated. This attempt fails, so Lynette tries to give the boys the medication. However, when she thinks the twins might not be the same (since they also have good qualities) she decides not to give the twins their ritalin. ("Who's That Woman?")


Lynette tries to enroll her children to Barcliff Academy. ("Come In, Stranger")

Lynette tries to find a new school for her twins to go to, so she looks at Barcliff Academy. She asks Bree for a recommendation. This worries Bree as she feels her word may no longer be trusted there. Later, during an interview at the school, the headmaster it'd be good having twins with them, as they want diversity. The headmaster admits they'd be great additions to the school, but signs them up for an observation to see how they behave. Worried that her twins would fail the observation, Lynette creates a plan to make it appear as if her children are well behaved. She exercises them and forces them to dig a pool in the garden until they’re tired out. The plan works and they pass they are accepted into the school. ("Come In, Stranger")


Lynette is told ADD medication will help cope with stress. ("Running to Stand Still")

Lynette meets a new rival, Maisy Gibbons, while pitching in to help with a theatre rendition of Little Red Riding Hood at the twins' new school. She soon discovers that Maisy runs the play committee to her own liking, including neutralizing the ending of the play. Lynette decides to take on the task of making costumes for the play in order to have the right to comment on the play's new politically correct ending. The other mothers timidly agree, however now Lynette is swamped by Maisy's demanding expectations for the costumes if she does not want her boys to be taken out of the play, the costumes have to be perfect. Lynette soon coverses with another hard working mom about taking her child's ADD medicine she will have all the energy she needs, and succeeds in finishing in time as well as putting Maisy in her place on opening night. ("Running to Stand Still")


Lynette becomes addicted to ADD medication.
("Anything You Can Do")

Tom tells his wife that he plans to host a dinner party for his boss and associates in order to give them a pitch regarding a new campaign. Lynette reluctantly agrees to, counting on her children's ADD medication to help her make ends meet. However, she immediately realizes that she has run out of pills and thus meets with Jordana Geist, hoping to land a few, but Jordana claims to need everything she has. A desperate and strung out Lynette then arranges a playdate with another local mother and proceeds to steal some of her child's ADD medication from their medicine cabinet, realizing at that moment that she has sunk to a new low. During the dinner party, a peppy Lynette steals Tom's spotlight by topping his ideas and really appealing to the senior partners, which frustrates her husband. Later, during an argument that is ended when Tom tells his wife that she is the perfect housewife and mother, Lynette's attention is caught when her neighbor Carlos' mother is tragically hit by a vehicle and left for dead on the street. ("Anything You Can Do")


Lynette believes she has failed as a mother. ("Guilty")

Lynette begins seeing a therapist because of the tiredness she has been experienceing due to taking the ADD medication. She eventually admits her addiction to the therapist. She continues to use the ADD medication when she can’t even perform the simplest tasks. At home, the stress of her four children, Preston, Porter, Parker and Penny forces her to imagine a nervous breakdown and contemplate suicide, Lynette leaves her children in care of Susan she drives to an empty field. Bree and Susan follow her and she breaks down and confesses her addiction to the girls. She calls herself weak and a bad mother, but Bree and Susan assure her she isn’t. The women make a pact to tell each other everything. ("Guilty")

When Lynette begins to fall under the stress brought on by her four kids, she decides that a nanny is needed around the house. So she goes to a local park and begins nanny poaching. She eventually comes across a young pretty woman named Claire, who appears to be so attentive towards a boy and a girl she's caring for Lynette falls in love with her immediately and decides she wants her to be her nanny. After offering her a job, Claire tells Lynette of the rude and demanding housewife she currently works for, named Alexis, who forces her to do all sorts of inappropriate things. It doesn't take long for Lynette to convince Claire to switch teams and move into the Scavo house. ("Suspicious Minds")

Lynette becomes worried about leaving her young children alone with the new nanny, Claire. Whilst talking to Bree, she is inspired to set up a hidden camera in the house so she can observe what is happening. After setting up a camera in the kitchen, Lynette watches the footage recorded and she is pleasantly surprised at how well Claire is getting on with the children. However, when Lynette sees Claire copying her “special hug” with the boys, she becomes concerned that they’ll love her more. Whilst reading to her sons, they demand that Claire read the book because she is better at it this saddens Lynette even more. While leaving the house one day, Lynette is reluctant to go as she feels Claire is acting as a better mother than herself. ("Come Back to Me")


Lynette asks Tom to admit that he finds Claire attractive.
("Move On")

Whilst in bed one night, Lynette tries to discuss their need for a new water heater, but Tom is too tired. When Tom heads downstairs to switch on the coffee maker for the morning, he catches Claire naked as she puts her clothes in the washer. He heads back up stairs, aroused, and he and Lynette make out. The next morning, Claire tells Lynette about her embarrassing encounter with Tom the night before, leading Lynette to realize Tom is attracted to Claire. Lynette asks Tom to admit that he finds Claire attractive. She suggests firing Claire as it’s clear he’s attracted to her and won’t admit it. Tom refuses to fire Claire and then admits she’s attractive, but he isn’t attracted to her, pleasing Lynette. The next day, Lynette notices Claire’s breasts and is uncomfortable that Tom saw them. Tom notices this and fires Claire to protect his wife. Later, Lynette searches for an unattractive nanny with experience. ("Move On")


Lynette pretends Parker has cancer. ("Every Day a Little Death")

Lynette attempts to join a yoga class after she has got Preston and Porter ready for school, but when she arrives with Parker and Penny, she finds out that the daycare facility is full, so she is turned away and asked to come earlier next time. After Parker gets chewing gum stuck in his hair, Lynette has to shave all of his hair off. When she attempts to join the yoga class again, she is yet again too late. However, when the receptionist sees Parker's baldness, she mistakenly believes that he has cancer, so she lets Lynette into the session and finds an extra space for her kids in the daycare center. Lynette keeps using Parker's baldness to get into the sessions, but she eventually comes clean when Parker believes he's dying. ("Every Day a Little Death")


Lynette tells Tom she'll leave him if he has an affair. ("Your Fault")

Lynette's father-in-law, Rodney Scavo, comes for a visit to see the Scavo family. Lynette winds up walking in on him with a woman, Lois McDaniel, who is not his wife. When Rodney refuses to be ashamed for his actions, Lynette tosses him out of the house. His visit spurs a frank conversation between the Scavos' about commitment and fidelity. And then, when Tom admits to Lynette that he knew about his father's affairs and isn't that bothered by it, she tosses him out, as she feels he wouldn't care if he had an affair himself. Later, Lynette tries to make things up with Tom, but also insists she'll leave Tom if he ever cheats on her. Tom confides in his father that he has a secret, one that Lynette doesn't know about, revealing that he may not be the perfect husband, but this is unknown by Lynette. ("Your Fault")


Lynette argues with her enemy, Karen McCluskey. ("Love is in the Air")

Lynette is surprised when Porter, Preston and Parker give her a present she actually likes - a beautiful flower pot they made for her. However, an elderly neighbour, Karen McCluskey, claims it's hers, and proves it by showing a price tag on it. Lynette lets the boys off with a warning if they swear never to do it again and write apology notes. Karen later accuses the boys of stealing her clock. The war escalates when Karen runs over one of the boys' bikes with her car and Lynette retaliates by throwing eggs. Tom discovers a treasure trove of stolen things in the boys' playhouse, including the clock. The boys go over to apologize in person and Karen shows an unexpectedly soft side when she reveals that her own son died when he was twelve. It's a side Lynette, who waited outside, would never see. ("Love is in the Air")


Lynette prevents Tom from getting a promotion. ("Impossible")

Tom becomes angered when the boss at work passes on a promotion which was intended for him but instead went to another co-worker. However at a company softball game, Tom's rival, Tim Douggan collapses and must undergo triple bypass surgery which means he will be in recovery thus interfering with his new job. Tom then receives the promotion which was actually to go to Douggan. Lynette is happy about Tom's accomplishment but when she learns that the job involves more traveling than his current position she begs him to reconsider. This leads Lynette to have a talk with the boss' wife, Janie Peterson, and tells her how Tom will be missing so much of his children's lives now. The wife feels pity on Lynette and the following day, Tom tells Lynette that the boss reconsidered. ("Impossible")


Lynette's twins get head lice. ("The Ladies Who Lunch")

While picking the twins up from school one day, Lynette is told by fellow mother's Mona Clarke and Tammy Brennan that there has been an outbreak of head lice in the school. As the twins emerge from school, the mother's notice them scratching their heads. Later on, Lynette discovers that Porter and Preston have been uninvited from a party. While discussing with Tom, it becomes clear that they are being uninvited from parties because mother's have spread rumors that they started the outbreak. Angry, Lynette visits the school nurse and discovers that Tammy Brennan's son started the outbreak. With this knowledge, Lynette blackmails Tammy into allowing Porter and Preston back to the parties they have been uninvited from. ("The Ladies Who Lunch")


Lynette is scolded for interfering with a marriage. ("There Won't Be Trumpets")

During a school play, Lynette befriends a deaf mother in attendance, Alisa Stevens. She and her husband, Dennis Stevens, are invited over to have dinner with the Scavos, and Lynette soon realizes that the Stevens' marriage is on the rocks and that Dennis has no problem saying bad things about his spouse, with the excuse that she can't hear him. Lynette is irritated by this, and Tom begs her not to do anything about it, so Lynette asks him to try and say something should Dennis be rude again, when they all play tennis. Things happen exactly as predicted, and when Tom fails to say something, Lynette tells Dennis off, saying that if he is unhappy about his marriage he should do something about it. This all backfires when Lynette is confronted at school by Alisa, with help of her daughter, who scolds her for basically telling Dennis to leave her. Lynette feels incredibly guilty over what happened, but Tom comforts her by saying that she meant well. ("There Won't Be Trumpets")


Lynette is horrified to discover Bree spanked Porter. ("Children Will Listen")

Lynette is ecstatic after being invited for a social afternoon with some old acquaintances, but distressed when she learns that her babysitters are all unavailable. She dumps her four children on her best friend Bree, who is reluctant to watch over them. During the time Bree and the Scavo kids spend together, the unruly Porter fails to obey the Bree by messing with her freshly made cookies against her will. Bree spanks him on the bottom repeatedly, and then announces this during a poker game with the girls, much to Lynette's chagrin. Lynette lashes out at her friend, criticizing her parenting skills, and then Tom tries to comfort her, but Lynette, having chosen to never strike her children because her own mother beat her and her sisters all the time, is unnerved by this whole situation. Later, however, she realizes there might be a flaw to her system of hollow threats when she can't get her kids to obey her, so she threatens to take them over to Bree's place when they misbehave, which works. Lynette and Bree then make amends, without having to share many words, and comfort each other during the trying times they're both going through with their respective children. ("Children Will Listen")


Lynette feels obligated to care for Karen. ("Live Alone and Like It")

Karen McCluskey collapses, in front of her house, after taking too much medication. Lynette reluctantly does the right thing and calls the paramedics and then rides along to the hospital with her. To thank Lynette for saving her life, Karen presents her with a Tiffany lamp. But it comes with strings attached now she wants to come over to chat and to tag along on Lynette's errands. Lynette responds by handing back the lamp. The next day, Lynette signs for a package for Mrs. McCluskey when she doesn't answer the door. Lynette lets herself in and finds that the older woman can't open her bottles of arthritis medicine. Mrs. McCluskey tells her not to help if it's only because she feels obligated since they're not friends. Lynette sternly tells her life is obligation - and she'll be over in the morning to take her to the pharmacy so she can get child-proof bottles. Then she takes back the Tiffany lamp. ("Live Alone and Like It")

When Tom's old girlfriend, Annabel Foster, returns to her job alongside Tom, Lynette begins to feel that her marriage is in jeopardy. Lynette tries to send a clear message to Annabel, that Tom is not available. ("Fear No More")


Lynette's failed attempt at spicing up her love life. ("Sunday in the Park with George")

When Lynette realizes that she and Tom haven't had sex for ten days, their new record, she becomes worried that her marriage is on the rocks. When she tells Tom, he assures her they can have sex when he gets home from work. Annabel Foster picks Tom up from work one morning, Lynette realizes how beautiful she is and assumes Tom sees her as the "fantasy woman". Their plan to have sex fails when they're interrupted by the smell of Lynette's clothes and their four noisy children. This leads Lynette to buy a sexy French Maid outfit which she wears in hopes of seducing Tom when he gets home from work. However, this fails when he comes home late and finds her sleeping on the couch. The next morning, after being questioned about the outfit, Lynette tells Tom that Annabel is the "fantasy woman" when she, herself, is just the "reality". Tom assures Lynette that he still loves her. To prove this, when he returns home from work that night he surprises her by wearing a small animal print thong. They then finally have sex, breaking their longest streak without it. ("Sunday in the Park with George")


Lynette learns that she has to go back to work. ("One Wonderful Day")

Lynette convinces Janie Peterson to give Annabel Foster a promotion in an attempt to keep her away from her and Tom. However, Tom also wanted the promotion and in a sulk he quits his job. ("Goodbye for Now") Lynette spots Tom playing games at a pizzeria and learns he has quit because of her ruining his promotion. Tom is furious at her and tells her to leave before he says something he might regret. Tom arrives home and tells Lynette that she will be going back to work, and he will be staying home and taking care of the kids. ("One Wonderful Day")

Season 2

Lynette prepares herself for her first job interview in years, and is clearly nervous. When she arrives for her interview, she is grilled by Nina Fletcher. The interview goes well and she gets the job, but Nina is reluctant over the fact that Lynette has family. When she gets home, Lynette sees that Tom has hurt his back looking after the kids, so Lynette is forced to take Penny to work the next day, after promising Nina her family life wouldn't interfere with work. ("Next")

With Tom now in charge of the house, things start to pile up and Lynette notices lots of dirty dishes needing a wash. Things get worse, and after coming home from a long day at work, Lynette is forced to clean some of the house, much to Tom's disapproval. Determined to make Tom start cleaning, Lynette buys a pet rat and releases it in the house. Tom eventually finds and kills the rat and this helps him realize he needs to clean up. ("You Could Drive a Person Crazy")


Lynette's family life interferes with her work life. ("You'll Never Get Away From Me")

Parker is upset that his mother won't be going with him for his first day of school, so Lynette makes a promise that she'll be with him, even though she has work. When at work one day, Lynette sees co-worker, Stu Durber, using a webcam. Lynette uses the webcam idea to communicate with Parker while he's at school. However, Lynette is also in a meeting when she does this. ("You'll Never Get Away From Me")

Due to Lynette spending a lot of time at work, Parker creates an imaginary friend, Mrs. Mulberry, to cope. When Lynette finds out, she tries to become more involved in Parker's life, but his obsession with Mrs. Mulberry only worsens. When it gets out of hand, Lynette tries to hide Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella in the trash. When the garbage truck picks it up in the morning it falls onto the street. Parker sees the umbrella get run over and he believe's Mrs. Mulberry is dead Lynette feels guilty for what happened. ("My Heart Belongs to Daddy")

When Lynette notices her boss is feeling stressed, she takes her out for a drink. Nina soon falls in love with the idea of drinking and meeting men at bars, but because of her shyness, she asks Lynette to come too. After many nights of going to bars with Nina, Lynette has enough and shows up Nina, breaking her confidence, stopping their nights out. ("They Asked Me Why I Believe in You")

Lynette is criticized at work by her boss, Nina, for her poor clothes. Lynette buys a new set of clothes but Tom is hesitant because of the price. However, he soon agrees that parents need to get things for themselves sometimes. ("I Wish I Could Forget You") When Lynette realizes none of the mothers will invite her children for play dates, she is relieved when a new couple, Norma and Leonard invite them. Lynette and Tom enjoy their free time, but after the kids find Norma and Leonard's sex tape, she decides to keep play dates to a minimum. ("Color and Light")


Lynette doesn't trust Tom's parenting skills. ("The Sun Won't Set")

When Lynette realizes the twins have been sneaking out the house without Tom's knowledge, she fears they could fall prey to pedophile. So she gets help from co-worker, Stu Durber to see if they'll approach him. However, the plan fails when Karen intervenes with a tazer. ("The Sun Won't Set")

When Lynette catches Nina and Stu having sex at work, Nina offers her anything in order for her to keep it secret from her boss, Ed. However, Nina fires Stu. Lynette informs Stu that he can file for sexual harassment. Stu takes this advice, leading to Ed firing lots of workers, including Nina, but not Lynette, as she's too valuable, but this means she'll be working more hours. ("That's Good, That's Bad") Due to longer hours at work, Lynette sees a lot less of her children, so she suggests setting up a company daycare center. Ed agrees, so Lynette looks for parents that would be willing to bring their children. ("Coming Home")

When Gabrielle gives Tom a sympathy kiss at a party, Lynette is unhappy. Bree tells Lynette about Gaby's affair with John, shocking her. She then tries to make sure that Gaby doesn't pursue Tom. Lynette kisses Carlos in front of Gaby to show her how she felt. ("One More Kiss") When Lynette's children get chickenpox, Tom asks her to stay home a few days so he doesn't catch the disease, as it could cause sterility. Lynette questions why he's thinking of having children, so he admits if they divorce or she dies, he'll want to start a new family. Angered, Lynette tells Tom to get a vasectomy, but he refuses. ("We're Gonna Be All Right")


Lynette learns that Tom wants to work again. ("There's Something About a War")

When Tom helps Lynette create a successful advertisement, he decides to go back into the world of work. He tries to convince Lynette, saying they can hire a nanny and use the daycare. However, against Lynette's wishes, Tom is interviewed by Ed and he gets the job. Lynette later accepts Tom going back to work. ("There's Something About a War") Ed decides to make Tom the "class-clown" and he sets him numerous dares. Unimpressed, Lynette takes one of Ed's dares to make him stop. ("Silly People")

Lynette asks Bree to babysit her children, but she drinks while doing so. The children leave and try to find their parents, but are found by a beauty shop owner. Lynette asks Bree if she was drinking, but she denies the claim. However, Lynette finds Bree's empty wine glasses, so she makes it apparent to Bree that she has a problem. ("Thank You So Much")

Tom becomes frustrated that Lynette is in control at both work and at home. So, to make him feel like he's in control, Lynette allows him to decide that they'll have sex in an elevator at work. ("There is No Other Way") Lynette and Ed hire a new woman at work, Veronica, and are shocked to see her breastfeeding her 5 year old son.  Under orders from Ed, Lynette convinces Donovan that chocolate milk is better. ("Could I Leave You?")


Lynette is questioned about Bree's parenting techniques. ("Everybody Says Don't")

When Andrew takes his mother to court for emancipation, Lynette is asked to appear in court because Bree lost Lynette's children whilst drinking. Unsure of who to believe, Lynette simply says she'll tell the truth. However, they both reconcile and Lynette decides to lie in court, even when she's reminded she's under oath. ("Everybody Says Don't")

When Parker's curiosity in the female genitalia increases to the point of him asking school children and Karen McCluskey to show him their vaginas, Lynette buys him a puppy to help divert his attention onto other things. ("Don't Look at Me")

To avoid another late night at work, Lynette helps Ed with his marital problems. She helps create an aphrodisiac and sets to mood. When messaging his wife via computer, Lynette takes over. However, Ed reveals when he got home his wife found out and she forced him to fire the employee responsible. Ed refuses to fire Lynette, so instead decides to fire Tom. ("It Wasn't Meant to Happen") When Tom is officially fired, Lynette blames Ed's marital issues. Ed retorts by saying her marriage isn't perfect either as Tom took an unauthorized trip to Atlantic City and bought flowers she suspects he's having an affair. ("I Know Things Now")


Lynette learns that Nora has decided to move to Fairview with Kayla. ("Remember, Part 2")

Lynette follows Tom when he leaves for Atlantic City. She follows him to a house where he enters and is served wine by a woman. The two then head upstairs, so Lynette believe's he's having an affair. When she returns home she takes her children and dog and leaves. ("No One is Alone") She and her children plan on moving in with her mother for a while, but when Porter breaks his arm, she takes him to hospital and calls Tom. He is then forced to admit he has an illegitimate daughter with Nora Huntington, who he met before Lynette. ("Remember, Part 1") Tom introduces Lynette to Nora, and they're both shocked when she starts demanding child-support. When they pay her a large amount of money, hoping it will get rid of Nora, things backfire and she decides to move to Fairview. ("Remember, Part 2")

Season 3

Lynette struggles to adjust to life including Kayla, and her annoying mother, Nora. During a family photo for the Christmas card, Nora demands to be in it and then unintentionally ruins it. Nora's behavior leads to her not being invited to Parker's party, but Kayla is. Nora eventually discovers that she was lied to, despite Lynette and Tom's efforts to hide the party, and she tries to take Kayla home, but has a change of heart when she sees her daughter having a good time. ("Listen to the Rain on the Roof") When Nora decides to move in with the Scavo's for a while, she annoys Tom and Lynette further, so Lynette tries to hook Nora up with Carlos at Bree's wedding, however, the pan fails. ("It Takes Two")

Lynette leaves for a spa weekend with Gaby, while Tom takes the kids camping, however, it's ruined when Tom hurts his back. Things don't turn out as planned and Nora ends up going with Lynette to help Tom. They both fight, but Lynette apologizes when she deeply upsets Nora. When bringing the family back home, Lynette suggests Tom widen his job net to lessen his stress. ("A Weekend in the Country") When Parker wants to quit his baseball team, Lynette goes to extremes to prevent him from leaving, as she does not want quitters in her family. ("Like It Was")

Tom tells Lynette he plans on opening a Pizzeria, but Lynette is reluctant because of the costs. None of Lynette's friends, including Nora, agree that the idea is a good one. So, Lynette gives Tom some suggestions to make the Pizzeria work. Tom ignores them all and insists going with his dream. Nora points out to Tom that Lynette is a bully and she's making him do what she wants. ("Nice She Ain't")

After showing Lynette the dump he bought to be the Pizzeria, Tom is kicked out of the house in rage. Nora discovers this and they have a meal together, with wine. Nora tries to kiss Tom, but he pulls away, angering Nora. Tom returns home and apologizes to Lynette. He also tells her about Nora's kiss, so she confronts Nora, and warns her to stay away from her family from now on. ("Sweetheart, I Have to Confess")


Lynette tries to save a dying Nora. ("Bang")

Nora announces she's leaving for Mexico with Kayla, so Lynette suggests fighting for full custody of Kayla to Tom. While at the supermarket, Lynette meets new neighbour, Art Shepard. However, Nora soon enters looking for her. Lynette tries to hide, but Nora finds her and they argue. Things take a turn for the worst when Carolyn Bigsby takes everyone in the supermarket hostage. Carolyn shoots Nora for hitting on Tom, so Lynette promises to care for Kayla before Nora dies. Angry, Lynette yells at Carolyn, but ends up being shot in her arm she's then taken to hospital. ("Bang")

After being shot at the supermarket, Parker becomes protective over his mother. Lynette attempts to show him that she's safe by getting new neighbour, Art, to pretend to be a superhero. She and Parker visit Art's house, but he's not in. Once inside, Parker finds a basement full of toys, but Lynette also finds numerous photos of half naked boys on the wall. ("Children and Art")


Lynette suspects Art of being a pedophile. ("Beautiful Girls")

Lynette tries to convince the police that Art is a pedophile, but they do not believe her. When Parker goes missing, she searches Art's house and finds that all the toys and pictures are missing he tells her he donated the toys to a hospital. It turns out Tom had Parker and he becomes concerned at his wife's mental state after the shooting, so Lynette agrees to visit a therapist, after sharing her suspicions with Karen. ("Beautiful Girls")

As word of Art spread, people start to protest outside his house. When things get out of hand, Lynette tries to stop it and Art's sister goes into cardiac arrest from the stress. She later dies, so Lynette apologizes to Art. However, he rejects her apology and says he can finally be himself without upsetting his sister, making Lynette believe he was a pedophile after all. ("The Miracle Song")

Kayla moves in with the Scavo family permanently. She makes life hard for Lynette by defying her simple requests. Kayla later reveals to Tom that this is because she blames Lynette for Nora's death. Tom asks Kayla to be nice to Lynette, so she accepts, but explains she won't love her, upsetting Lynette. ("No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds") Lynette helps Tom get the liquor licence for the grand opening of Scavo Pizzeria, but when Tom finds out he's upset because he feels she does everything for him. ("Not While I'm Around")


Lynette is fired because of Kayla. ("Come Play Wiz Me")

When Lynette is ready to go back to work, she pretends to still be in pain to get more time off so she can attend a street fair with Tom's boss. Still hating Lynette, Kayla tells Lynette's bosses the truth and she's fired. Lynette then decides to work at the Pizzeria. ("Come Play Wiz Me") Tom and Lynette hire Austin to work at their pizzeria, but when he's found taking drugs, Lynette fires him. However, Tom re-hires him, saying his looks will be good for business. Lynette is upset that Tom made the decision without her, but he reminds her that he is the boss at work. ("I Remember That")

On the opening day for Scavo Pizzeria Lynette is angry because the deilvery man brings more baby seats than adult seats, so she has to borrow some chairs off Gaby. ("The Little Things You Do Together") Tom takes Lynette on a romantic horse-and-carriage ride, but things don't go as planned. However, they soon make up and reaffirm their love for each other. ("My Husband, the Pig") Despite Tom's orders, Lynette objects to wearing her work uniform. When she goes to confront Tom, she finds him unconscious with a ruptured disc that needs surgery. ("Dress Big")

With Tom out of work, Lynette searches for an assistant manager for the Pizzeria. She finds Rick, who seems perfect, but Tom turns him away when he learns of his past with drugs. When Tom becomes too much at home, Lynette is left with the kids at work and she breaks down because of the stress, however, Rick is there to help, so he's hired anyway. ("Liaisons") Rick suggests changing the menu at the pizzeria, but Tom doesn't agree with his ideas. Lynette ignores Tom and changes the menu and Tom is angry when he finds out. One night at the restaurant, there is a bit of chemistry between Lynette and Rick and he compliments her looks. ("God, That's Good")

Lynette begins to have growing feelings for Rick and stays late at the restaurant every night. When asked why she’s not around at home so much by Kayla, she tells her there’s a lot of work, but she doesn't believe her. Lynette agrees to go out with Rick to another restaurant but before they leave her husband Tom and her children come to the pizzeria to surprise her, where Kayla sees chemistry between Lynette and Rick. She tells Tom, and Tom suggests to Lynette he should come back to work and fire Rick, only to receive objections from Lynette. ("Gossip")

The Pizzeria is robbed and Lynette and Rick get trapped in the walk-in freezer, where they grow closer to each other. Later, while looking through security tapes, Tom is unpleasantly shocked to find Lynette having dinner with Rick. Tom confronts Rick and tells him to quit working at the pizzeria because Tom and Lynette's marriage will survive. Lynette fires Rick and tells Tom that Rick quit. Tom tells Lynette that he's coming back to work because the doctor said he's fine. ("Into the Woods")


Lynette is told she has cancer. ("What Would We Do Without You?")

Tom and Lynette's marriage continues to decline, so Tom secretly gets them to speak to a councilor, but Lynette finds out, angering her. Tom's back recovers, so he suggests having sex instead of talking, Lynette agrees. During sex things become aggressive and Lynette reveals that she fired Rick because he admitted having feelings for her. Tom's back spasms, causing Lynette to fall off the bed and hit herself. At the hospital, the doctor tells her she's fine, but explains she may have lymphoma as they found swollen lymph nodes. ("What Would We Do Without You?")

Lucy, Lynette's sister, tells their mother about her cancer and she comes to stay and care for Lynette. After learning about Rick, Stella taunts her daughter, who had once told her mother, a cancer survivor herself, that she'd had cancer as a punishment for cheating on her husband. Stella asks Lynette the very same question: "does it feel like she is being punished?" ("Getting Married Today")

Season 4

Lynette keeps her cancer a secret from her friends for a month. She struggles to cope with the effects her chemotherapy is having on her, and she throws up in a fellow mom's bag, who complained about her not organizing a fundraising event. Muriel later approaches Lynette at a BBQ and continues to boss her around, causing her to reveal her cancer by removing her wig. However, her friends see Lynette's baldness, so she explains to them what's happening and assures them she'll be fine. ("Now You Know")

During a chemotherapy session, Lynette finds out that Tom has been letting her win a card games to make her feel better. She's very angry so she banishes him from seeing her during chemo. In need of a person to accompany her during chemo, she asks Gaby, but is upset when she says she doesn't want to join her. Gaby later tells Lynette that it's because when her father died of cancer, he told her to smile, but she cannot smile for Lynette because it's too painful. ("Smiles of a Summer Night")

Lynette begins to feel down, so Stella suggests taking cannabis. Lynette declines, so Stella buys some cannabis from Andrew and makes some brownies with cannabis in them and gets Lynette to eat them. She is immediately much happier, but makes a fool of herself at a charades game. ("The Game") During sex, Tom becomes uncomfortable with Lynette's baldness, so she goes wig shopping. Gaby suggests a dark red wig to spice up her sex life, and it works. However, Tom becomes obsessed with the alternate wigs, upsetting Lynette as she feels he doesn't accept her looks. ("If There's Anything I Can't Stand")

When Katherine runs to be President of the Homeowners' Association, she threatens to change lots of features on Wisteria Lane. Fearing that she'll lose her kid's tree-house, Lynette runs too. However, she loses, so she begs Katherine not to get rid of the tree-house because it's a place for her children to escape from the cancer talk. ("Art Isn't Easy")


Lynette discovers she no longer has cancer. ("Now I Know, Don't Be Scared")

When Lynette's garden is attacked by a possum, she goes all out to exterminate it. Tom becomes concerned about her obsession and tries to stop her, but she tells him that when something attacks your home you have to fight it (referring to her cancer). Later, she is paid a visit by her doctor who tells her that she no longer has cancer. Lynette celebrates outside, enjoying her new freedom. ("Now I Know, Don't Be Scared")

Even though her cancer has gone, Lynette's mother decides to stay for a while, but she becomes a nuisance. She tries to get her sisters, Lydia and Lucy to take in their mother, but they both refuse because she was a terrible mother. When Lynette realizes how horrible her sisters are being, she tells them not to visit for years because she'll hate them for that long. ("You Can't Judge a Book By its Cover") Lynette starts to look for her mother, who left suddenly. When she finds her, she reunites her with her ex, Glen, and she decides they'd be better off living together. ("Distant Past")

When a tornado arrives on Wisteria Lane, Lynette and her family take shelter in Karen's small basement with her, Ida and Toby, much to Karen's displease. When Lynette tries to move Toby because of Tom's allergies, Karen catches her and Toby ends up escaping. She goes looking for him and Lynette tries to stop her. They then take shelter in Lynette's house and later find that Karen's house collapsed. ("Something's Coming") Lynette's family is saved, but Ida is announced dead because she moved to save the Scavos'. Touched by her bravery, Lynette helps Karen spread Ida's ashes. ("Welcome to Kanagawa")


Rick returns with his new restaurant. ("In Buddy's Eyes")

Lynette decides to embrace religion so she attends Bree's church. However, she embarrasses Bree because of how many questions she asks during the ceremony. ("Sunday") Lynette and Tom are shocked when Rick returns to announce he's opening a restaurant nearby. Tom later vandalizes Rick's restaurant and lies to the police about it. When Lynette is given a call that Rick's restaurant is on fire, she suspects it was Tom. ("In Buddy's Eyes")

Lynette questions Tom about the fire, but he denies making it. Soon evidence piles up against Tom, so Lynette still doesn't believe him. However, she later discovers that Preston and Porter set the fire. ("Opening Doors") While punishing the twins, Lynette discovers Kayla suggested they do it. She confronts Kayla and she shows no signs of remorse, so she takes her to a therapist. When Preston breaks his arm from jumping off the roof, Lynette notices Kayla's evil glare, so she suspects her. ("Opening Doors")

At a counseling session, Lynette is suggested to spend time with Kayla to bond. They go shopping, but Kayla acts unreasonably. She reveals that she made Preston hurt himself and then ponders at what she could make Penny do. Mortified, Lynette slaps Kayla. Kayla then tells the councilor that Lynette abuses her. ("Mother Said")


Lynette watches as Kayla is taken away. ("The Gun Song")

CPS arrive at Lynette's house and question her about Kayla's safety. Kayla later frames Lynette for burning her and she's arrested. Lynette asks Tom to do something when he visits her, and later at home, Tom gets Kayla to confess the lies. When Kayla is taken by her grandparents, Lynette says she's sorry to her for everything that's happened. ("The Gun Song") Tom becomes angry about Kayla's departure, and after he accidentally causes Bob and Lee to separate, he and Lynette attempt to get them back together. After Katherine is nearly arrested for murder, Lynette helps her friends explain to the police that it was in self-defense. ("Free")

Time Jump

Lynette is called into hospital and she is horrified to learn that Tom had been given a powerful electric shock when he was at the Pizzeria. They are told by the doctor that he was revived soon after and that they'd have to wait for thirty-six hours to see if there was any serious tissue damage. Later, Tom tells Lynette that he thought he was going to die in a Pizzeria, so he decides he wants to find more in his life thus starting his mid-life crisis. To fill this void, Tom buys a Classic mint-condition Mustang. It was very expensive, and this then led to the Pizzeria's financial difficulties and downfall. ("Mirror, Mirror")

Lynette returns home one day to find Tom with a police officer. The officer tells Lynette that they've arrested one of her sons for taking a car for a "joyride". Assuming he's talking about Porter, she apologizes and insists that he doesn't listen to them, however, Tom stops her and explains that it's Preston who was arrested. ("Free")

Season 5

Lynette finds that Porter and Preston have turned their Pizzeria into a casino so she asks Tom to punish them. However, Tom just laughs it off, saying it was a great idea. Lynette decides to punish Tom by allowing the twins to drive his mint-condition Mustang to homecoming. When they return late, Tom disciplines the twins to prove he cares, pleasing Lynette. ("You're Gonna Love Tomorrow") Lynette feels she and Porter are pulling away from each other, so, with help from Parker, she sets up a secret online account to talk to him. She gets to know a gentle side of him which writes poetry, but he soon learns the truth, upsetting him deeply. ("We're So Happy You're So Happy")

When Tom and Lynette clean out their garage, new neighbour Dave finds Tom's old bass guitar. He suggests starting a garage band, but Lynette isn't happy because of the noise. She creates a plan to destroy the guitar, but Dave just buys a replacement and explains the effect of a mid-life crisis which Tom is having. Lynette gives in and allows him to be in band. ("Kids Ain't Like Everybody Else")

Lynette decides to make a new marketing campaign for Bree's cookbook and considers going back to work. However, Bree declines the suggestions. At a banquet in Bree's honor, Lynette learns her old assistant is in charge of Bree's marketing campaign, so she gets drunk because of her jealousy. ("Back in Business") Lynette continues to put up with Tom's mid-life crisis when he suggests selling the Pizzeria and taking their children out of school for a year to travel the country in an RV. ("Mirror, Mirror")


Lynette tells Anne to stay away from Porter. ("What More Do I Need?")

Lynette suspects Tom of having an affair with Anne Schilling, but it turns out she's his real estate agent finding a place for his garage band to practice. When Tom leaves to "practice more", she follows him and finds he's set up a den. Later, when Tom visits the "den" to turn the lights off, she sees Anne leaving, putting on her clothes, and assumes Tom's having an affair (but it's actually Porter). ("There's Always a Woman") Lynette is shocked when she finds out it is Porter who is sleeping with Anne. She later approaches Anne at a PTA meeting and attacks her, warning her to stay away from Porter. ("What More Do I Need?")

Lynette learns from Preston of Porter's plans to leave Fairview with Anne because she's pregnant. She confronts Anne at her house about the pregnancy, but her husband overhears. He attacks Anne, so Lynette defends her. At the club, Porter confronts Warren for attacking Anne, but Lynette breaks up the fight. ("City on Fire") When questioned about Porter threatening Warren by the police, Lynette lies.. Later, she tells Tom the truth and expresses her doubts. She then tells him that even if Porter is a murderer, they'll protect him. She later visits Anne at the hospital and offers her a large amount of cash to leave. When Anne leaves, she announces she was never pregnant. Lynette later asks Porter to tell the truth so she can help him. He promises that he didn't set the fire, relieving Lynette. Worried, Porter asks where Anne is, as she hasn't returned any calls. Lynette lies and says she doesn't know. ("Me and My Town")


Lynette and Tom try to prove Porter's innocence. ("A Vision's Just a Vision")

Porter is arrested, so Lynette and Tom hire Bob as their lawyer. After being released from prison and threatened by Warren, Porter runs away to hide, so Preston takes his place in court. Lynette and Tom notice, but go along with the plan to protect their business. ("A Vision's Just a Vision") Bob eventually finds out that Porter is actually Preston, so he tells Tom and Lynette to find Porter. When she realizes Preston knows Porter's location, she asks him to help her find him. ("Home is the Place")

Lynette finds Porter at her mother's retirement home. She tricks Porter into coming home with her, but the charges are soon dropped due to lack of evidence. Lynette realizes her mother is upset she never gets visits from Lynette. Lynette apologizes and promises to visit more. ("Connect! Connect!")

When the neighborhood handyman, Eli Scruggs dies, Lynette helps plan him a funeral ceremony. Penny arrives asking for help with homework, but Lynette says she's busy. She then recalls how Eli helped her realize the importance of her children, so she quickly decides to help Penny with her homework. ("The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened")


Lynette sells Tom's Mustang to pay legal bills. ("Mama Spent Money When She Had None")

Lynette and Tom are forced to sell Tom's Mustang to pay for the legal bills and to support their fading business. Bree helps by allowing the Scavos' to put recipes in her new cookbook, but things turn sour when Lynette becomes envious of Bree being so rich. ("Mama Spent Money When She Had None") Lynette and Tom face a rent increase for their restaurant that they might not be able to afford, so Lynette tells Tom they must sell their restaurant. ("In a World Where the Kings Are Employers")

Tom and Lynette begin to sell everything in their restaurant as it's closing down. By the end of the sale, they earn enough money to settle most of their financial issues. Bree helps by trying to get Tom a job via an informal interview, but when Lynette sees Tom isn't interested, she tries to win the employer over. ("Crime Doesn't Pay") Having a hard time finding a job, Lynette asks if Gaby could get Carlos to help her out. Gaby agrees when she needs a spy to watch Carlos and a colleague at work Lynette uses this reason to get a raise on her previous salary. ("The Story of Lucy and Jessie")


Lynette is hired by Carlos. ("A Spark. To Pierce the Dark.")

Lynette has issues with her new boss, Lucy when she makes Lynette work ridiculous hours. When Gaby brings her children to Lynette and Carlos's workplace, Lynette allows the children to mess around. Lucy sees them and yells at them, Carlos sees this and fires her. ("A Spark. To Pierce the Dark.")

After Edie's untimely death, Lynette helps the girls to her ashes to Edie's son, Travers. On the way, she recalls the time that Edie helped her during chemotherapy. She then spreads Edie's ashes on Wisteria Lane. ("Look Into Their Eyes and You See What They Know")

Tom tries to have sex with Lynette, but she is not in the mood. After slipping in the shower, Lynette is knocked unconscious, so Carlos helps her. She is mortified to later learn that he saw her naked and asks him to keep it a secret as Tom would freak out. ("Rose's Turn") To solve their problems, Tom suggests having sex every night for a month. However, Lynette becomes too tired, upsetting Tom as she's the only thing he's passionate about and he has no idea what to do with his life. ("Bargaining")

Tom decides he wants plastic surgery after running into an old college friend. Lynette is against the idea because it could turn out badly, so she convinces him not to go through with it. ("Marry Me a Little") Preston decides he wants to go backpacking around Europe, but Lynette disagrees with the idea, so she get Tom to take him to a college campus. Preston's mind isn't changed, but Tom announces he wants to go to college to learn Chinese to widen his job net. ("Everybody Says Don't")


Lynette learns she is pregnant with twins. ("If It's Only in Your Head")

Lynette starts to feel sick so she calls the doctor, saying she thinks the cancer is back. Meanwhile, Tom is excited because not only did he pass the exam he got in the top five percent while drunk. To celebrate, Tom takes the whole family out for hot fudge sundaes. Lynette strongly believes it is cancer, but is stunned to find out she is pregnant with twins again. The news causes Tom to wonder about college and Lynette about her job. ("If It's Only in Your Head")

Season 6

The day after finding out about her pregnancy, Lynette tells Tom that she's upset about having more children because by the time they graduate, she and Tom will be in their sixties. At the doctors office, Lynette warns a first-time mother about how her life will be ruined. During an ultrasound, Lynette isn't excited about her babies and she tells Tom it's because she doesn't love them. However, Tom angrily tells her when they're born, she will. ("Nice is Different Than Good")

Tom and Lynette struggle to keep the pregnancy hidden from their children because of morning sickness. When Julie is attacked, Lynette goes to the hospital and tells the doctor she may be pregnant so she can't have an x-ray. Susan is angry that she didn't know, so Lynette apologizes. She tells Susan she's considering terminating her pregnancy, but Susan persuades her not to. ("Being Alive")


Lynette hides her pregnancy to keep her job. ("The God-Why-Don't-You-Love-Me Blues")

Tom and Lynette decide to tell their children about the pregnancy, disgusting them. Later, unaware that she's pregnant, Carlos promotes Lynette because the person he was going to give the promotion to was pregnant. Lynette tries to decline the job, but Carlos tempts her with a 50% salary rise. ("Never Judge a Lady By Her Lover") Entering her second trimester, Lynette struggles to hide her growing breasts. When Carlos notices the change, he assumes she's had implants, so Lynette, in fear of losing her job, goes along with the lie. ("The God-Why-Don't-You-Love-Me Blues")

As a favor for Karen, Lynette hires Roy as her handy man. However, when he accuses her of emasculating her husband, she fires him. Tom later explains the reason for this is because Lynette's poor upbringing left her with a fear that everything can fall apart if she doesn't have control. ("Everybody Ought to Have a Maid") Lynette is furious when she finds out that Tom is failing his college class because of late night partying, and even more angry to find out he cheated. She tells him he is setting a bad example for their children. ("Don't Walk on the Grass")

Lynette learns that Julie was having an affair with Nick Bolen. When she overhears them arguing, she suspects that he is the person who attacked Julie, so she and Tom warn the police. ("Careful the Things You Say") Gabrielle and Carlos eventually discover that Lynette is pregnant, so to avoid a lawsuit, Carlos tells Lynette she either runs the branch in Florida or quits her job. ("The Coffee Cup")

Lynette refuses to move to Florida, so Carlos gives Lynette a large amount of work to complete in a hope he'd be able to fire her. When she is unable to do all the work, Carlos fires her. Lynette decides she's going to sue Carlos, but when her lawyer approaches Carlos, Gaby arrives to apologize. ("Would I Think of Suicide?") Gaby and Lynette's friendship is on the brink of collapse and they argue in public at the Christmas block party. However, when a plane crashes on the lane, Lynette risks her own life to save Celia Solis. ("Boom Crunch")


Lynette learns she's lost one of her babies. ("If. ")

Lynette starts to feel pains in her stomach, so she goes to the hospital. She is then told by the doctors that one of her babies has miscarried because of the plane accident. Traumatized, Lynette wonders what her life would have been like if her baby (Patrick) had survived. She imagines him to grow up to be an amazing person. Back at the hospital, Gaby visits Lynette and they make up. ("If. ")

To thank Lynette for saving Celia, Gaby and Carlos decide to keep paying Lynette's salary until she has the baby. Tom decides to go back to work and Lynette is furious when he expects her to be a stay-at-home mom with the baby. Lynette explains the thought of only seeing one baby after losing the other terrifies her, so Tom agrees to stop working once the baby is born. ("You Gotta Get a Gimmick")

Tom starts to see a therapist and she gets him to make a "feelings journal". Lynette visits the therapist to defend herself, but Dr. Graham helps her with the pain of losing her baby, so she decides to join Tom in therapy. ("How About a Friendly Shrink?") Tom is happy with the progress being made in therapy, but Lynette feels she is being ganged up on. They argue about whether to continue going. When they see Dr. Graham give a terrible performance in a play, they can no longer take her seriously so stop seeing her. ("The Glamorous Life")

When Lynette catches her son spying on new neighbour, Robin Gallagher as she gets dressed, she confronts Robin and judges her for being recklessly inappropriate. Robin tells her Parker offered her money for sex, so she and Tom confront him and he explains he's the only one of his friends that is a virgin. Lynette later apologizes to Robin for judging her. ("Lovely")


Lynette doesn't approve of Preston's fiancée. ("Chromolume No. 7")

Due to the stress of the pregnancy, Tom and Lynette forget Penny's birthday. She runs away and buys a hotel room, but Lynette tracks her down and they reconcile. ("The Chase") Preston returns home from Europe with a Russian fiancée. Lynette suspects Irina of being a gold-digger and they clash, damaging Lynette and Preston's relationship. ("Chromolume No. 7")

Lynette and Irina continue to argue, so Preston announces he and Irina are going to move into an apartment together. Lynette is on board at first, as she thinks it would cause them to break up, but when Preston tells her he wants to drop out of college, she's horrified. Lynette tries to convince Preston that he's being used, but this just pulls them further apart and the wedding date is made for the next week. ("My Two Young Men")


Lynette invites Eddie to live with her. ("Epiphany")

Lynette finds evidence that Irina is a gold-digger, and when Preston learns the truth, he is devastated and the wedding is cancelled. As Irina leaves Lynette's house, Eddie Orlofsky gives her a lift and he kills her when she mocks him. ("We All Deserve to Die") When Lynette realizes how bad Eddie's home life is, she offers him to live at her house, unaware that he just killed his mother and Irina. ("Epiphany")

When Eddie attacks Porter and nearly attacks Tom because of the way they're mistreating Lynette, Lynette becomes concerned and suggests he see a therapist as they could help with his past. The therapist suggests Eddie's mother attend the session, so Lynette tries to find her, but learns she's been missing for days. ("A Little Night Music")

When Lynette tells Eddie about his mother and the police find Irina's body and question Preston, Eddie becomes scared and decides to move back home. At the police station, after Preston is released, she overhears that Barbara was found dead too. Lynette tells Eddie the news and then learns that he killed his mother. Eddie then holds a very pregnant Lynette hostage in his home. ("The Ballad of Booth")


Lynette gives birth to Paige whilst held hostage. ("I Guess This is Goodbye")

While being held hostage by Eddie, Lynette starts to go into labor, but he refuses to take her to the hospital. He is forced to deliver the baby himself and Lynette gives birth to a healthy Paige Scavo. Touched by the miracle of life and after being persuaded by Lynette, Eddie turns himself into the police for his crimes Lynette is proud of him. ("I Guess This is Goodbye")

Season 7

Lynette's old college friend, Renee Perry comes to visit the Scavo family. When she arrives, Lynette tries to impress the rich and glamorous Renee with her peaceful suburban life. The two exchange banter, but it turns bitter when Renee mocks Lynette's life, saying everyone thought she'd do better. Lynette is angry that Renee thinks her life is pathetic, but Renee explains she envies Lynette's life as her husband cheated on her, so Lynette welcomes her to stay as long as she has to. ("Remember Paul?")

When Tom is feeling depressed, Lynette believes Renee is trying to sabotage her marriage when she constantly sides with Tom. Lynette confronts Renee and tells her that her marriage is not something she can mess around with. ("You Must Meet My Wife") Tom is diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and is prescribed medical Marijuana to help. Lynette is strongly against the idea, so she switches his marijuana with oregano. When Tom finds out, he's angry that Lynette deceived him in such a way. ("Truly Content")

After leaving Penny to look after Paige while she goes for a run, Penny takes Paige to school with her so she doesn't miss a big test. When Lynette goes to collect Paige, she learns just how much Penny has been helping out with caring for her sister. ("The Thing That Counts is What's Inside")


Lynette comforts Tom after deciding to send his mother to a care home. ("Excited and Scared")

Lynette wants a nanny to help out around the house, so Tom brings his mother to stay with the family. Lynette isn't happy because Tom becomes a demanding child around his mother, and the kids pick up on this behavior. After an argument with Allison, Lynette hires another nanny, but Tom fires her, insisting his mother is staying. ("Let Me Entertain You") It soon becomes noticeable that Allison is turning senile, but Tom refuses to believe Lynette. However, when he sees his mother slap Lynette, he accepts what's happening to her and they put her in a care home. ("Excited and Scared")

Renee starts an interior design business and asks Lynette to help her. Lynette hires Susan as her nanny, but is horrified when she finds out that Susan thought she'd be joining them with the interior design. ("A Humiliating Business") Susan disagrees with one of Lynette's parenting techniques with Paige, and during a thanksgiving dinner at Renee's house, she goes behind Lynette's back to care for Paige in her own way, angering her. ("Sorry Grateful")

Tom becomes upset when he learns that Lynette doesn't ever put emphasis on his positive qualities. Lynette later reveals that the reason for this is because reminding herself of his negative qualities makes her think she is worthy of having him in her life. ("Pleasant Little Kingdom")

When Paul Young reveals he's opening a halfway house on the lane, Lynette decides to lead a protest in hope it will stop him. She enlists the help of people from other neighborhoods, but things soon turn violent at the day of the protest. A riot breaks out and Lynette blames Paul for everything, but he just judges her for thinking her neighbors are better than ex-cons. ("Down the Block There's a Riot")


Renee tells Lynette about her affair with Tom. ("Assassins")

After being made to feel guilty by Susan, Renee decides to tell Lynette about a one night stand she had with Tom twenty years ago whilst they were on a break. Lynette is devastated by the news. ("Assassins") Lynette learns to forgive Renee, but seeks revenge on Tom, so she pulls numerous pranks on him, such as ripping his trousers or putting gay porn on his computer. Tom later apologizes to Lynette and tells her they shouldn't break up over something that happened a long time ago. ("Where Do I Belong?")

Lynette visits her mother at her care home and discovers that she is engaged to be married. After meeting her fiance, Lynette questions her mother's motive for marrying him because he's rude. Stella reveals she's marrying him for his money, shocking Lynette. At the wedding, Lynette tries to deter her mother from marrying him, but she gives in when Stella explains she's also lonely. ("I'm Still Here") When Frank demands a family photo, he dies unexpectedly. Stella begs Lynette to keep the body overnight so she can inherit his money. She does, and Stella becomes rich, so she spoils Lynette and her family. ("Flashback")


Tom and Lynette make Preston and Porter move out. ("Farewell Letter")

Lynette realizes her twins have learned no life skills, so she forces them to move out and find their own place. However, they just move to Karen's house. Lynette causes them to be evicted, so they move back home temporarily and Lynette teaches them things they need to know to live alone. ("Farewell Letter")

When Tom is offered a well paying job, he turns it down because he's loyal to his current employer, Carlos. Lynette thinks he's making a mistake because Carlos wouldn't be so loyal if the roles were switched. She hatches a plan to make Tom think Carlos is selfish, but it backfires. However, when in an expensive car Lynette bought, she tempts him into taking the job to be able to buy expensive things. ("Everything's Different, Nothing's Changed") Although enjoying the money she's getting from Tom's new job, she's upset that she isn't seeing him as much. Renee explains that is the price she has to pay for nice things. ("Moments in the Woods")


Lynette is jealous of Tom being treated better than her. ("The Lies Ill-Concealed")

Lynette and Tom are invited to a seminar weekend to see Chris Cavanaugh. Lynette is excited to see him, but is disappointed to find out she is doing other activities. Upset that she's being treated as a "plus one", she tries to sneak into the seminar, but is caught, embarrassing Tom. ("The Lies Ill-Concealed") Tom hires Lynette and Renee to redesign his office, but after hearing his requests, Lynette ignores them and designs it the way she thinks he'll want it. Angry, Renee designs it the way Tom wanted as he's in charge and calling the shots. ("I'll Swallow Poison on Sunday")

Lynette is angry when Tom books a holiday to Hawaii because she'd spent ages planning a road trip. The two compete to win their children over, but this escalates into a giant argument which Penny overhears. They then agree that they should go on a vacation by themselves to work out their problems. ("Then I Really Got Scared") During their vacation, Tom and Lynette's marriage continued to deteriorate as they argued over what to do. Lynette becomes worried that they won't be able to repair their marriage after recent events. ("And Lots of Security. ")


Lynette and Tom's marriage comes to an end. ("Come on Over for Dinner")

Lynette and Tom return from their vacation, and the tension between them continues. To celebrate Susan's return to the lane, a progressive dinner is held. Lynette fears Tom has left her when she can't find him, but she goes to the dinner anyway. However, he returns, saying he didn't want to embarrass Lynette by suddenly leaving. Together, they decide they should separate. Lynette is relieved at the end of her marriage, but fears that their children will be upset when they tell them. The first person Lynette tells about the separation is Renee. During the final course of the dinner, Lynette, Bree and Susan find out that Carlos killed Gaby's stepfather, and they help cover up the murder. ("Come on Over for Dinner")

Season 8

After the dinner party, Lynette helps bury Alejandro's body in the woods and she promises to keep it a secret. One month later, she and Tom are still separated, but are struggling to keep it hidden from their children. However, when they realize that they don't want to get back together yet, they finally decide to tell their children the truth. Meanwhile, Lynette convinces Susan not to tell Mike their secret, so he can stay innocent. ("Secrets That I Never Want to Know")

Due to their separation, Tom and Lynette struggle to find consistency in their parenting techniques. Lynette decides she doesn't want to always be the boring parent, so she gives Tom a chance to say "no" to prove himself. However, he doesn't take the opportunity as he fears he's going to lose his children. ("Making the Connection")

Lynette's sister, Lydia, comes to visit to comfort Lynette after the separation. However, she's shocked to find out she's brought her fiance, Rashi. Lynette criticizes Lydia for apparently changing to be good enough for Rashi and she nearly wrecks their relationship. She then admits to Lydia that she doesn't think she can change for Tom, because "she's as good as it gets", but Lydia assures her she can change. ("Watch While I Revise the World")

Lynette suspects that Tom may have started dating again with a twenty year old girl, so she spies on him, but finds out that he's been seeing her mother, Jane, for coffee. Lynette is horrified that Tom wants to end their marriage. ("School of Hard Knocks") To retaliate, Lynette decides that she wants to try dating again, but when she is taken home by a man and they're about to have sex, she begins to cry, saying the thought of sleeping with another man is terrifying. ("The Art of Making Art")


Lynette tells Jane to back off from Tom. ("Witch's Lament")

When Tom's girlfriend, Jane, offers to make Penny's Halloween costume, Lynette insists she will make an amazing costume to stop Jane and Penny bonding. However, Lynette's attempt at making the costume is poor, so she orders a professional costume. When it arrives, it turns out to be a slutty cat costume. Jane realizes what Lynette did, so helps her out. Alone, Lynette tells Jane to back off from Tom, but she refuses to, saying she wants to find love. Later, Lynette helps Bree and Gaby find Alejandro's body, but discover that it has been dug up. ("Witch's Lament")

After discovering that Alejandro's body has been dug up, Lynette agrees to leave Bree in charge of the situation. Meanwhile, Lynette notices Penny and Jane becoming close, so she tells Penny lies to turn her against Jane. However, this means she starts spending less time with Tom, upsetting him. Lynette tries to convince her daughter that spending time with her father is important. After finding out she was lied, Lynette falls out with her friends. ("Always in Control")

When Lynette receives flowers off Tom for their anniversary, she thinks he is still interested so she tries to give him a bottle of scotch as always on their anniversary to win him back. However, there is a misunderstanding and Lynette finds out Tom ordered them and forget to cancel the delivery. ("Suspicion Song")


Lynette tells Tom that she's an accessory to murder. ("Putting it Together")

Lynette is questioned by Chuck Vance over the disappearance of Alejandro Perez. This scares Lynette so she tries to stop Tom from leaving to Paris with Jane, as she thinks she'll be arrested, so wants someone to look after the kids. She tells Tom the secret, and he decides to stay against Jane's wishes. ("Putting it Together") Tom is angry that Lynette would get herself in such a situation, so he hired Bob as their lawyer to help her if something goes wrong. After more arguments, Lynette tells Tom he should go to Paris with Jane if she makes him happy. ("What's to Discuss, Old Friend?")

With Tom now away on holiday with Jane in Paris, Lynette tries to adjust to life without him and she tries to fix things around the house so she feels useful. ("Who Can Say What's True?") Lynette finally decides she's ready to date again. Renee hooks her up with her hairdresser, Frank, but the date doesn't go so well as Lynette tries to control his life and she tells him what to do. Renee angrily tells her that she'll never be able to change who she is. ("What's the Good of Being Good?")

Lynette is surprised to see that Frank has given Lynette another chance at a date. This time, it goes perfect, and when the two go back to Lynette's house, Lynette is reluctant to have sex. She finally overcomes this fear and they have sex. However, during sex, Lynette cries as she realizes her marriage is over. ("Is This What You Call Love?")


Lynette finds out that Porter is the father of Julie's baby. ("Get Out of My Life")

Lynette is furious when Preston and Porter are evicted from their apartment and try to move back home. She then becomes hysterical when she finds out that Porter is the father of Julie's daughter and that he wants full custody. She tries to dissuade him by saying it'll change his life, but he insists he's already in love with her. ("Get Out of My Life") Lynette and Susan clash when Susan decides to set up a nursery in her house. Lynette tries to stop her, but later allows it when she finds out Susan is hurting. ("She Needs Me")

At Penny's birthday party, Jane reveals to Lynette that she and Tom are moving in together. Furious, Lynette confronts Tom and he apologizes for what Jane did. Later, when Jane chokes on some food, Lynette almost allows her to die, but she saves her last minute, insisting she panicked. ("You Take for Granted")

After the tragic death of Mike Delfino, Lynette thinks about the beginning of her marriage, and how Mike helped Lynette realize she and Tom were meant to be together. After remembering these events, Lynette announces to Karen McCluskey that she doesn't think Tom and Jane's relationship will last much longer, as she has a plan. ("Women and Death") After this, with help from Penny, Lynette creates a plan to get her Tom alone so they can reconcile. The plan goes amazingly at first, but then it suddenly goes up in flames and she is discovered. Tom is furious, but it later seems that he still has feelings for Lynette. ("Any Moment")


Tom and Lynette officially end their marriage. ("With So Little to Be Sure Of")

When Jane delivers Tom and Lynette's divorce papers to her, she is mortified. She confronts Tom and he tries to apologize for Jane's behavior, but Lynette ignores this, asking if he really wanted to end their marriage as he'd already signed them. Lynette signs her part of the divorce papers, officially ending her marriage. She then breaks down outside, screaming that "she's sorry". ("With So Little to Be Sure Of")

After seeing Tom and Jane kissing at work, Lynette takes Tom's boss, Gregg, on a date. Things go great and Gregg decides to give Tom more work, so Lynette will be free for another date. After learning the extra hours at work is causing friction between Tom and Jane and that Tom hasn't filed the divorce papers, Lynette uses Gregg more to make him and Jane argue more. However, when Gregg decides to send Tom to India for a year, Lynette realizes things have gone too far. ("Lost My Power")

Lynette convinces Gregg not to send Tom to India as she sees how much it will affect her family. She then breaks up with Gregg and tells him she has feelings for another. Gregg later tells Tom this, so Tom comes to see Lynette after breaking up with Jane, assuming Lynette loves him. However, as he approaches the house, Tom sees a man helping take Lynette's dress off and he misinterprets the situation, so leaves, devastated. ("The People Will Hear")


Lynette and Tom reunite at last. ("Give Me the Blame")

When Lynette and the girls notice a bus for a care home outside Karen's house, they offers to help care for her in her final days of living, so she can die at home. Later, Lynette gets a call from Penny, and she's pleased to hear Jane left. Tom then calls her, telling her they need to talk. Lynette assumes he wants to get back together with her, so she gets dressed up to impress him. However, when he arrives, she's devastated to hear he's filing the divorce papers, thinking she's moved on. When Bree is acquitted, a party is thrown to celebrate. During the party, Tom finds Lynette and confesses his love to her, after talking with Roy. Lynette then confesses her love to Tom, and they both passionately kiss in the middle of Wisteria Lane. ("Give Me the Blame")


Tom and Lynette decide to move to New York. ("Finishing the Hat")

When Susan tells Lynette and the girls that she's moving, Katherine approaches them, out of the blue, and tells them she has a deal for Lynette. She offers Lynette a job in New York as a CEO, but she is reluctant to move. Later on, while at the supermarket, Lynette runs into her old colleague, Natalie Klein. Natalie brags about her success and then tells Lynette she's too afraid to take big risks this prompts Lynette to decide to take the job offer. She tells Tom about this decision, frustrating him. He tells her she'll never be happy with her life, and this guilts her into confessing that she is happy. Tom later confronts Lynette and they both decide that they can be happy in New York together. Later, during a poker game with the girls, they realize it could be their last together, so Lynette makes them promise it won't be their last. ("Finishing the Hat")

Later life

Lynette officially accepts Katherine's job offer and four weeks later, she, Tom and the children pack up and move to New York to start their new life. Lynette becomes the CEO of Katherine's business, and she learns just how tough a job it really is. She and Tom soon buy a large, expensive penthouse which overlooks Central Park. Many years later in the future, Lynette is with her six grandchildren in Central Park. They play around noisily and she tries to calm them down. When one of them throws a ball into her face, she has enough and yells at them. ("Finishing the Hat")


This Shocking Viral Video Of A Woman Beaten And Stripped Over A Gram Of Weed She Didn’t Steal Has People Demanding The Police Get Involved

A viral video showing a young woman getting beaten and stripped while a room full of men recorded the incident has many demanding the police get involved.

In the video, the unidentified woman was accused of stealing weed by another woman and several men. When the woman says she does not want to be searched, she is punched multiple times and eventually stripped down. The group creates a barricade between her and the door while they assault her.

At the end of the video, they realize she does not have any drugs, so they tell her to leave — but not before they threaten her with more violence if she reports the incident.

The entire video is extremely graphic and humilating to the victim. It was originally posted to Facebook and shared by World Star Hip Hop.

This is disgusting and I hope whoever did this is found and thrown in jail for a long time. This girl was beaten and humiliated over a GRAM of weed. Spread the video so the police can find these ppl. https://t.co/YrPOXmoK7n

— In The 5️⃣ Fam (@01Renee_luv_1D) January 15, 2018

This is sad. What women do to other women. For the sake of one gram of weed. Why the need of cameras and guys to be there? Im assuming she doesnt mind stripping just to prove but it was the cameras & men that was there she didn't wanna give consent https://t.co/03fiV0Jqu4

— Sharon Albert (@Sharonalbert_) January 15, 2018

This is sexual battery @lovelyti is right, they wanted to run a train on this woman and she refused. The women who made her strip to her bra and knickers (panties) should be charged with a sex crime and the men involved charged with misdemeanours https://t.co/rw2IMS3gT8

— Jade (@Naijella86) January 15, 2018

BET News has reached out to the NYPD regarding the video. They have not yet commented.


Laws Louisianans Clearly Aren’t Following Today

You may be surprised by how many strange Louisiana laws prohibit common things that happen in the state every day, or at least during Mardi Gras. The following laws are proof that there have always been people who use the law to try to stop the rest of us from having a good time.

  • Fake wrestling matches are prohibited.
  • Mardi Gras beads may not be thrown from a third story window.
  • No one may throw objects at a parade float.
  • It is illegal to practice voodoo in the city limits.
  • Condoms may not be thrown from parade floats.
  • Television reporters may not throw doubloons, trinkets, or other items to the crowd during a parade.

Our “paper bag head” New Orleans Saints fans may also be surprised to find out that in Louisiana, it’s a crime for fans at a sporting event to insult or disparage the players.


What it’s like to actually eat the food in Oakland County Jail

As they do every evening, hundreds of fruit flies perched on the dank tiled walls in the Oakland County Jail's showers look on as I step in to prepare dinner.

The roughly 6-by-4-foot enclosure is dimly lit by yellow, fluorescent light. The mildew is staggering.

Aside from serving as a fruit fly sanctuary, the shower serves multiple needs for hundreds of inmates daily. Even though it's filthy, it's where we scrub ourselves of the jail's filth. It's also where we do our laundry: Underwear and socks are agitated and scoured in five-gallon buckets also used to clean out the showers, then held up to the showerhead for a rinse.

Worse yet, it's the only place where a prisoner can find some privacy. And a few moments out of sight in the day of a sex-starved criminal lodged for months in the county jail leads to one thing.

The shower is also our stove. It's where we "cook" our commissary food, and in my hand is a clear, 20-ounce plastic cup filled halfway with pale brown, no-brand dehydrated refried beans. I hold the cup to the showerhead and fill it until the bean flakes are submerged. The beans need hot water to cook. Jail shower water is tepid at best, but regardless of the outcome in the stove, the beans are my ticket into that evening's "cook-up."

The cook-ups are a sort of potluck in which inmates pool ingredients purchased from commissary, which has a stock list similar to that of any crappy Eight Mile party store. But a party store offers better food than the Oakland County Jail cafeteria, and the cook-ups are essential. The "state" meals are painfully short on calories and taste, so each night we pile up mounds of junk food on chips or tortillas, creating sodium bombs packing the flavor and fill lacking on the state-issued trays.

My cook-up partner and friend, Chillin' P, who goes by this nickname despite his felonious assault rap that would be evidence against the moniker, is contributing semi-cooked and still mostly crunchy white rice along with a bag of pulverized Flamin' Hot Cheetos used for seasoning. Some dude who has the face of a classic cartoon thief brings tortillas, pickles, jalapenos, and squeeze cheese. These are the ingredients of a variation on the jail burrito &mdash not much of a dazzler on this night, but it'll do.

For a moment in the shower I become very aware of what I'm doing and my surroundings. It's a harsh flash of reality. The scene is gross and depressing as I take a fruit-fly-on-the-wall look at myself: Me standing in a jail shower, a cup of dried refried beans held to a dirty showerhead. The din of dozens of inmates recreating in the dayroom on the other side of the shower curtain echoes through the cellblock. It's a stew of sad lives playing spades, Scrabble, chess, or watching TMZ. The only thing louder than them is the deputy yelling at them to shut the fuck up.

I smell the mildew and I see the staring and still fruit flies. I know I stand on an unfathomable amount of "pris jizz." I see the pile of old, wet socks the last prisoner who laundered in the shower left behind. A wave of despair hits, but retreats in an instant. The repulsiveness is shut out by the need to eat. Any germaphobe hesitation disappears. Germs present less of a threat than hunger. My rumbling belly trumps all. In jail you've got to do what passes the time quicker. Hunger is a weight on the minute hand. And if standing in that dank horror chamber with a cup of dried beans is what gets me through, well .

I pull the cup from the showerhead. Ten minutes later, the beans &mdash now a scientifically impossible soggy yet crunchy paste &mdash are presented to Chillin' P and thief face.

1 package saltine crackers

Spread the tuna on the tortilla. Dice half a pickle. Crumble saltine crackers into a pile. Try to heat the chili. After failing, mix chili, pickle cubes, and add saltines for thickening. Pour chili mix over the tuna. Liberally apply mustard.

A convincing argument can be made that jail food should be pretty gross, but what it shouldn't be is rotten, maggot-infested, pulled out of the garbage, or gnawed on by rats. Unfortunately, that's exactly what it has been at times in Michigan's jails. Aramark, the company with which Oakland County and the Michigan Department of Corrections contracts for food service, seems intent on outdoing itself with each increasingly appalling headline. If you thought those maggots they served in Jackson last week were pretty gross, then check out the rotten chicken tacos they plopped on the plates in Kent County this week.

While OCJ has been spared the more gruesome issues, I still got a taste of Aramark's approach to feeding inmates during my seven-month stay in four different cellblocks, and it wasn't good. The media has been on them. Not only here, but also in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Florida, New Jersey, and everywhere else where mouse turds or bugs or worms are turning up in prisoners' dinners.

Thankfully, I didn't read about the extent of it until after I got out.

In the days leading up to a sentencing I knew would leave me confined for much longer than preferable, I rounded my belly by licking plates clean at all my favorite restaurants. Chicken gyros from Plaka, deep-dish pizza from Loui's, burgers from Nemo's, cake after cake from Astoria.

As a teenage delinquent with a Hollywood Knights-style relationship with the local law, I had gotten acquainted with drunk-tank cuisine, so I figured I knew what to expect and would fatten up a little beforehand.

But as I waded into my protracted stay at the Oakland County Jail, it quickly became evident that I wasn't prepared for the daily culinary horror show. No one is asking the jail to polish the silver for a bunch of beer-bombing dolts and petty thugs. However &mdash assuming they weren't serving actual trash that day, which is a legitimate worry in Michigan &mdash there was no imagining the cartoonish menu items that would land in front of us, like bologna soup. There's no knowing ahead of time that "meatballs" in fluorescent gray sauce were actually the best thing rolling out of the kitchen and cause for excitement.

The problems with taste didn't compare to the sudden drop in caloric intake and persistent hunger. No one straight up starves in jail but, unless your people are putting money in your prisoner account so you can buy chips, candy, beef sticks, tuna, beans, or other ingredients to prepare food from commissary, you go hungry.

Within a week I dropped 11 pounds and within two weeks my ribs popped through as I shed another 10. Slices from Loui's and chicken gyros from Plaka danced and tumbled through my dreams. When my cellmate and I weren't bitching about our cases, we sat on our bunks and debated which restaurant in town stacked the tallest Rueben and one-upped each other's potato salad recipes.

The only person I ever met who gained weight in jail put on a shocking 20 pounds. By the looks of his pencil-thin frame, one would've guessed he had just lost 30.

"I was a meth addict before I came in," he explained over a bologna sandwich.

"He was on the stem-fast diet," another of his tribe chimed in.

Being hungry while confined in a monotonous existence places food in a whole new light. Surviving jail with your sanity intact is all about pushing the clock forward with as much joy as one can scrape together, and hunger &mdash the kind that causes everyone in the room except meth addicts to drop 20 to 30 pounds &mdash only slows time and cracks the spirit.

Meals become one of the few bright-ish spots in an otherwise dismal reality. There's nothing else from which to draw any pleasure, rest assured. So for those with money for commissary, cobbling together a tuna Rueben or assembling a junk food burrito the size of a football is an immense joy that can swing a day from miserable to tolerable by offering some delight and variation that, by design, is in very short supply.

Brighten enough days in that way and time might not seem to stand quite so still.

Food also becomes currency. You're pretty much illiterate and want someone to write a nice letter to your judge? Hand over a Honeybun. Need a barber to do something about your lid? The going rate is two bags of chips and a scoop of coffee. For those looking for a liquid lunch, someone always had "spud juice" made from fermented apples in their locker. A 20-ounce bottle runs $5 worth of commissary items.

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